1. MATHEMATICS

Subsections

1.6 MATHEMATIC PUNS

Index | Comments and Contributions | previous:1.5 mathematics quotes


mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: stan kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, Puns of the weak
Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness (Johann Von Haupkoph)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Risto A. Paju" <rp241#NoSpam.cam.ac.uk>
Q: How is a PhD student in Theology like the Laplacian operator?
A: div grad

(of course this refers to a graduate student of divinity, as well as
del^2.)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "David Lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>

Mother: Why are you placing a tablecloth with the word "truth" on it on the
study table?
Daughter: Mom, I'd like to make this a "truth table."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Pat McQuatty 
Special Category: Afterlife
October 31
Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The
Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."  The disciples
looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus
mean - the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?  Peter
said, "Don't worry.  It's just another one of his parabolas."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Alain Gottcheiner <agot#NoSpam.ulb.ac.be>
This happened during a 2nd year college course of probability theory.

Some girls come in quite a bit late, making all sorts of loud noises as
they go down the classroom stairs, grab a seat, pivot the writing
tablet, ...

The teacher, cold as a cucumber :
"you've come at the right moment, miladies. Is was speaking about
discrete variables."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

October 31
From: fc3a501#NoSpam.math.uni-hamburg.de (Hauke Reddmann)

The zombie: "I HATE integrating by parts!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Pierre Abbat <phma#NoSpam.oltronics.net>
How does a Jew compute an improper integral?
He takes the kosher principal value.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Mariano Cecowski <Mcecowsk#NoSpam.dc.uba.ar>

Big party; every possible function is having fun, chatting and drinking
this evening.
In an n-dimensional corner e^x stands bitter and alone.  Near the lonely
one there's a small group of exponential functions, and 2^x within them
turns to see e^x on it's corner.
- Hey, e^x, come-on, integrate yourself - Said 2^x pointing to the group.
- What for - whispers e^x - it makes no difference.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: naphtalia_leba#NoSpam.yahoo.com
You hear the one about the geometer who went to the beach to catch some
rays and came back a tangent?

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Larry Bavly <bavly#NoSpam.rci.rutgers.edu>
Some of my freshman math students are so clueless. They think General
Calculus was a famous war hero!

Here is a follow up:
If General Calculus actually did exist, he probably knew how to
integrate his troops together and differentiate between his enemies and
his allies.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: rp241#NoSpam.cam.ac.uk (Risto A. Paju)

To all these poor guys who ran into differentiation operators

I know this one bloke who managed to avoid these nasty operators. Until he
met the creature Del, which was on the same day he received his first
degree. The result: the guy is a grad.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Definitions and terms
From: S Nelson <snibbler#NoSpam.my.forest> Date: 1999/04/13, 1999/03/14
      Random entries from Nelson's Dictionary of Mathematical Terms:

                                     C

Calculus - what a dentist scrapes from teeth.
Center of Mass - the Priest.
Centroid - a 100 year old nerd.
Chaos - Kmart.
Chord - a pile of wood.
Circle - the longest distance between any two points.
Circumference - a circuitous inference.
Coefficient - two heads are better than one.
Cylinder - Budweiser.

                                     D

Discrete number - a digit that won't talk out of class
Divisor - what you wear on da head to protect from da sun.
Disjoint - what I am about to smoke in dis moment.
Denominator - one who nominates da candidate
Decagon - what termites can do to a wooden ship
Deduct - to butcher a waterfowl
Differential - to show great respect

From: Pierre Abbat <phma#NoSpam.pop.trellis.net>
Parabolas - two balls connected by a rope, and another one like it
Rectangle - a twisted mess
Scalar - mountain climber
Abelian - a tousand melian
Number - less sensitive

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Januari 14
April 28
From: "Martin Gillstedt" <m_gillstedt#NoSpam.hotmail.com>
One time the famous mathematician Kurt G५del was to a restaurant, and
when one of the waitresses went by, he started slapping her ass. Then she
told him to stop it, and then he said: Don't worry, I'm just checking the
consistency.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From Fabio Rojas (aaprana#NoSpam.mazel.spc.uchicago.edu)
Q- What do you call a student who goes to campus, tries to go
home but doesn't arrive in the same place he started?
A - A non-commuting student.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Luka Crnkovic (e98_tcr#NoSpam.e.kth.se)

What does the math student say when he steps on a spider?
-R3->R2!
What does he call the spider?
-Orthogonal projection!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 30
August 31
From: Andy Hicks (rah#NoSpam.grip.cis.upenn.edu)

Q - do you know a good anagram of "banach-tarski" ?
A - banach-tarski banach tarski

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Quiplash (quiplash#NoSpam.aol.comnojunk)

For a good prime call:  555.793.7369

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Diogenes#NoSpam.kear.tdsnet.com wrote:

What is the square root of 69? 8 something ("Ate something")

From: tam#NoSpam.quest1.questconsult.com (Timothy Melton)

What about sqrt(-69)? I 8 something

From: deborah apple <debvolt#NoSpam.sirius.com>
Q:and what about 68?
A: do me and i'll owe you 1. 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Michael Rothgery <detroit#NoSpam.mci2000.com>
Before Al Gore became vice president of the United States, he worked
briefly as a drummer for a little known night club act. Some people
say that during that time he came up with the best most mathematically
precise rhythms ever known to man. They are now called appropriately
enough:

                      Al Gore Rhythms.

[author unknown]

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: The Professor (franbo#NoSpam.globalnet.co.uk)

She was only a mathematicians daughter, but she knew how to multiply.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: qseep#NoSpam.iname.com (Quantum Seep)

My mother is a mathematician, so she knows how to induce good behavior. "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...."


mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: madore#NoSpam.news.ens.fr (David Madore)

Q. What is grey and huge and has integer coefficients?
A. An elephantine equation.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: madore#NoSpam.news.ens.fr (David Madore)

Q. What is locally like a ring and very evil?
A. A devilish scheme.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Larry Bavly <bavly#NoSpam.rci.rutgers.edu>
Graphing rational functions is a pain in the asymptote.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Larry Bavly <bavly#NoSpam.rci.rutgers.edu>
Q: Why did the identity sin(2r) = 2sin(r) get turned down for a loan?
A: Because it needed a cos(r). (co-signer)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Larry Bavly <bavly#NoSpam.rci.rutgers.edu>
Q: Why would defeating the Chicago Bulls in the playoffs be like solving
a system of linear equations?

A: Because one would accomplish a Krause-Jordan elimination. - (Bulls GM
Jerry Krause, Bulls player Michael Jordan)

For non-americans: The Chicago Bulls belong to the National Basketball
Association (USA) and their superstar player is Michael Jordan.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: ijf16#NoSpam.math.canterbury.ac.nz (Isaac Freeman)


This one's original.  That is to say, I made it up myself, and I've never
met anyone else who claims to have invented it.

There was once a factory that specialised in armour.  They made leather
jerkins, full plate suits, greaves, helmets, anything that would stop an
arrow or a sword.

One day, an order arrived from a foreign kingdom.  It was a big contract,
to outfit an entire army with chain-mail leggings.  The factory owner
was delighted, and immediately took the design specifications down to the
factory floor to begin production.

Several days later, a second message arrived.  Due to various
circumstances, the design of the leggings had changed.  The new
standardised national military uniform required that the hems be lowered
by several centimetres.

The factory owner grumbled about the loss of time and money involved in
changing the design, but there was nothing he could do.  He took the new
plans down to the foreman.

Several days later, another new design arrived.  The nation's uniform
requirements had changed again, and the hems must be raised, even higher
than the original design.

This went on for several weeks.  Every few days, there was a change of
plan, and the leggings had to be changed.  Sometimes the hems went up,
sometimes they went down, but every change meant a loss of money.  Finally
one day, the factory owner called the foreman up to his office, and asked
him if there was any way to stop the appalling wastage.

"Well," said the foreman "it might be that the changes are gradually
settling down, and will eventually lead to a stable set of leggings.  If
so, we could extrapolate from what we already know to find the ultimate
design, and start producing it now, knowing that it's what they'll
eventually ask for."

The factory owner agreed this was a good plan.

"On the other hand," continued the foreman, "it might be that the changes
will never settle down to any final form, in which case there's nothing
much we can do."

This prospect depressed the owner, and he demanded to know whether there
was any way to tell which situation they faced.

"Oh, certainly." said the foreman, "There's a simple way to tell."

He paused.

"It's called the Wire Trousers Hem Test for Uniform Convergence."

This was, of course, made up during an Analysis lecture.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Pierre Abbat" <phma#NoSpam.pop.trellis.net>
Tabby and Calico are sitting on two tables, the addition table and the
multiplication table, and were playing with a string. They are still
holding it, one at each end, though it is now dangling motionless between
them. What is the shape of the string?

A catenary.

From: charlie#NoSpam.tuna.net (charlie)

The cats then took off after, and cought, a 4-dimensional rodent... a
tessarat

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: feder001#NoSpam.coyote.csusm.edu (Todd Federman)

   If a travelling salesman starts in Houston, visits every city in the
United States just once, and ends up where he started, has he completed a
Houston Euler Circuit?

From: Alain Gottcheiner <agot#NoSpam.ulb.ac.be>
Funny, but wrong.  This is a Hamiltonian circuit.  He should have
taken each and every motorway exactly once and come back in Houston.
This would constitute a Euler circuit.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: amconn01#NoSpam.homer.louisville.edu (Andrew Connor)

A better math joke might have been the one about the Neanderthal child who
rode to school with a boy from Hamilton. When his mother found out she
said, "What did I tell you? If you commute with a Hamiltonian you'll never
evolve!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: kovarik#NoSpam.mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA (Zdislav V. Kovarik)

Expand (a+b)^n.




Solution:                  (a+b)^n

                         (a + b) ^ n

                        (a  +  b)  ^  n

                       (a   +   b)   ^   n

etc.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Tpotter#NoSpam.voyager.cris.com (Tom_Potter)

Tom Potter:   Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.

From: "Mike Schilling" <mscottschilling#NoSpam.hotmail.com>
And the irrational parts infinitely outweigh the rational ones. 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Erland.Gadde#NoSpam.sm.luth.se (Erland Gadde)

Trigonometry for farmers: swine and cowswine.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 14
From: mstueben#NoSpam.pen.k12.va.us (Michael A. Stueben)

I liked the PI-ous one best.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: rja093#NoSpam.nwu.edu (Rajan Jain)

mathematician's PICK UP LINE
Hey baby, How would you like to join me in some math?  We'll add you and me,
subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!
Of course, we'll be entirely discrete.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Emily Alicea-Munoz <emily_alicea#NoSpam.yahoo.com>
pick-up line:
"I wanna be your derivative so I can be tangent to your curves"


mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: achiever#NoSpam.mcs.net (Steve Warrington)

How do you teach mathematics to a woman

Look for the tan line
subtract her pants
stack her on the bed
divide her legs
calculate the distance
arc her back
add a length
function properly
provide constant movement
give her a square root
turn her over for a reverse polish notion
gradiently increase the integer
round the remainder
fill the pi
hope she doesn't multiply
log the event
sine on the dotted line
get her to cosine
profit from the experience
base the result on an exponent

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

UR 2 Good
   2 Me
   2 Be
   4 Got
  ==
  10            "You are too good to me to be forgotten"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: A Friend to Society <freya#NoSpam.ccwf.cc.utexas.edu>

	2 Good		2 Cute		2 Young
       +2 Be           +2 Be           +4 That
      ----------       ---------       --------
        4 Gotten        4 Gotten        6 Pack

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

A lazy dog is a slow pup.
A slope up is an inclined plane.
An ink-lined plane is a sheet of writing-paper.
Therefore lazy dog is a sheet of writing-paper.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Patageometry, n.:
        The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
under brain transplants.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From:kcarver#NoSpam.fox.nstn.ns.ca (Kevin Carver)

I know most of you people who are "into" math have heard the pun (over and
over and over ...) about knowing the difference between your "asymptote and
a hole in the graph" but here's one you may not have heard. IT'S A TRUE
STORY!

A student at our high school a few years back, having had his fill with
drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher:
Mrs. ___, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statistics, but
graphing is where I draw the line!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive
government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them
to a western country.  They drove to the airport, forced their way on
board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board.
Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder.  Finally, one of
the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he
would try to fly the aircraft.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out.  The sirens
got louder and louder.  Armed men surrounded the jet.  The would be
pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!!
Hurry!!!!!!"

The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple
pole in a complex plane."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the
Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour.  The tour guide announces: "On the
right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle Falls."
The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the windows on the
right side.  This causes a dynamic imbalance, and the plane violently
rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall.  All aboard are
lost.  The moral to this episode is:  always keep your poles off the
right side of the plane.

Caveat:  While this joke mentions Polish people, it is not, in my
opinion, in the category of the infamous Polish jokes.  I hope no one
is offended but only humored.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Three standard Peter Lax jokes (heard in his lectures) :

1. What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
        Answer: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
        Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but
                  they are removable!

2. An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his very religious
   colleague:
        Do you believe in one God?
        Answer: Yes, up to isomorphism!

3. What is a compact city?
        It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
        policemen!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: wheierman#NoSpam.corunduminium.com (Will Heierman)

Recently, I read the following riddle on a math joke website.  It was
attributed to Peter Lax.
    "What is a compact city?"
    "A city that can be guarded by a finite number of nearsighted policemen."

However, I doubt that he would make such a mistake.  Moreover, he was my
advisor when I was a graduate student, and I actually recall a conversation
with him regarding this anecdote.  It did not go exactly like this (but
this makes a better story):
     "Dr. Lax, wouldn't it be better to say that a compact city is one that
     can be guarded by a finite number of policemen, no matter how
     nearsighted they are?"
     "That's not any better, really, for if the nth policeman could only
     see a distance of 1/2^(n+2), no finite number of them could guard even
     [0,1]!"
     "Wow!  How do we handle this?"
     "I might reword it slightly: A compact city is one which can be
     guarded by a finite number of policemen, no matter how nearsighted a
     policeman is."

Up until that moment, I had always thought that the only people who were
uniformly nearsighted were baseball umpires!

Great teaching does not merely expose the truth.  It leads to the truth
along a path which is fun to travel.


From: "Nils R. Barth" <nbarth#NoSpam.math.uchicago.edu>

You've perhaps heard from 17,000 mathematicians since this
section was quoted in the 2005 Jan "Notices of the AMS", but
while splitting hairs, this definition of compact is incorrect:
it defines -totally bounded-, not compact.
For instance, the -open- interval (0,1) is totally bounded
(can be guarded by a finite number of policemen, no matter
how nearsighted a policeman is) but not compact.


mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Asked how his pet parrot died, the mathematician answered
    "Polynomial.  Polygon."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Lumberjacks make good musicians because of their natural logarithms.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 14
Statement: pi * r^2
Reaction: Pie are not square.  Pie are round.  Cornbread are square.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: RVFT60#NoSpam.email.sps.mot.com (Mike Scott)

A Cherokee indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.
The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the chief was so elated he
built her a teepee made of buffalo hide.  A few days later, the second
squaw gave birth, and also had a boy.  The chief was extremely happy;
he built her a teepee made of antelope hide.
The third squaw gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the
birth details a secret.  He built the woman a teepee out of
hippopotamus hide, and challenged the people in the tribe to guess the
most recent birth details, the correct guesser receiving a fine prize.
Several of his people tried, but were unsuccessful in their guesses.
Finally, a young brave came forth and declared that the third wife had
delivered twin boys.  "Correct"!, cried the chief.  "How did you know"?
 "It's simple", replied the warrior.  "The value of the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the
animal hide with which they made their blanket.  Thus, one woman might
be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as
Squaw of Deer Hide.  This tribe had a particularly large and strong
woman, with a very unique (for North America anyway) animal hide for
her blanket.  This woman was known as Squaw of Hippopotamus hide, and
she was as large and powerful as the animal from which her blanket was
made.

Year after year, this woman entered the tribal wrestling tournament,
and easily defeated all challengers; male or female.  As the men of
the tribe admired her strength and power, this made many of the other
woman of the tribe extremely jealous.  One year, two of the squaws
petitioned the Chief to allow them to enter their sons together as a
wrestling tandem in order to wrestle Squaw of the Hippopotamus hide as
a team.  In this way, they hoped to see that she would no longer be
champion wrestler of the tribe.

As the luck of the draw would have it, the two sons who were wrestling
as a tandem met the squaw in the final and championship round of the
wrestling contest.  As the match began, it became clear that the squaw
had finally met an opponent that was her equal.  The two sons wrestled
and struggled vigorously and were clearly on an equal footing with the
powerful squaw.  Their match lasted for hours without a clear victor.
Finally the chief intervened and declared that, in the interests of
the health and safety of the wrestlers, the match was to be terminated
and that he would declare a winner.

The chief retired to his teepee and contemplated the great struggle he
had witnessed, and found it extremely difficult to decide a winner.
While the two young men had clearly outmatched the squaw, he found it
difficult to force the squaw to relinquish her tribal championship.
After all, it had taken two young men to finally provide her with a
decent match.  Finally, after much deliberation, the chief came out
from his teepee, and announced his decision.  He said...

"The Squaw of the Hippopotamus hide is equal to the sons of the squaws
of the other two hides"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: CarjL <carjl#NoSpam.springtime.org>

There were three Medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an
island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting
over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send
their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp
and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights,
and each knight had 5 squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor,
brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights,
and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy
preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only
one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it
from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal,
while the knight polished his own armor.

When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires
out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).
The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was
the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from
the other two kingdoms.

Thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the
sum of the squires of the other two sides.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: stan kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, Puns of the weak

	THE POET'S WILL
 The Moslem poet, Abdul-El-Hashiff,
 wrote sonnets, not the usual specialty
 of his own culture, but he felt that if
 he could disseminate his poetry
 he'd find a bride. In fact he did so well
 he married three, to each of which he wrote
 for the few months he lived. In that short spell
 Abdul became a poet of some note.
 He loved his brides, although I ought to mention
 he loved the most one for whom hypertension
 had been a chronic problem. We heard news
 he'd left her half his wealth. His will provides
 as follows: "The share of the hypertense muse
 equals the sum of the shares of the other two brides."
	(Pedro J. Saavedra)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: quizzes and tests to do
What follows is a "quiz" a student of mine once showed me (which she'd
gotten from a previous teacher, etc...).  It's multiple choice, and if
you sort the letters (with upper and lower case disjoint) questions
and answers will come out next to each other.  Enjoy...

 S. What the acorn said when he grew up
 N.                                                     bisects
 u. A dead parrot
 g.                                                     center
 F. What you should do when it rains
 R.                                                     hypotenuse
 m. A geometer who has been to the beach
 H.                                                     coincide
 h. The set of cards is missing
 y.                                                     polygon
 A. The boy has a speech defect
 t.                                                     secant
 K. How they schedule gym class
 p.                                                     tangent
 b. What he did when his mother-in-law wanted to go home
 D.                                                     ellipse
 O. The tall kettle boiling on the stove
 W.                                                     geometry
 r. Why the girl doesn't run a 4-minute mile
 j.                                                     decagon

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: quizzes and tests to do

___  1. That which Noah built.
___  2. An article for serving ice cream.
___  3. What a bloodhound does in chasing a woman.
___  4. An expression to represent the loss of a parrot.
___  5. An appropriate title for a knight named Koal.
___  6. A sunburned man.
___  7. A tall coffee pot perking.
___  8. What one does when it rains.
___  9. A dog sitting in a refrigerator.
___ 10. What a boy does on the lake when his motor won't run.
___ 11. What you call a person who writes for an inn.
___ 12. What the captain said when the boat was bombed.
___ 13. What a little acorn says when he grows up.
___ 14. What one does to trees that are in the way.
___ 15. What you do if you have yarn and needles.
___ 16. Can George Washington turn into a country?


A. hypotenuse              I. circle
B. polygon                 J. axiom
C. inscribe                K. cone
D. geometry                L. coincide
E. unit                    M. cosecant
F. center                  N. tangent
G. decagone                O. hero
H. arc                     P. perpendicular

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 31
Februari 11
There was once a very smart horse.  Anything that was shown it, it
mastered easily, until one day, its teachers tried to teach it about
rectangular coordinates and it couldn't understand them.  All the
horse's acquaintances and friends tried to figure out what was the
matter and couldn't.  Then a new guy (what the heck, a computer
engineer) looked at the problem and said,

"Of course he can't do it.  Why, you're putting Descartes before the
horse!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Ren़ Descartes
March 31
Februari 11
From: "Gregory N. Jelinek, M.D." <gnjmd#NoSpam.txcyber.com>

Rene was busy putting the last touches to a lavish table spread with all
sorts of goodies at the annual Descartes' New Year's Party.

The guests arrived and Rene was mingeling with them and astounding them
with his alacrity of thought, when Mrs. Descartes called to him to take out
the special New Year's meat pies. He placed them on a sideboard away from
the main table -- intended for the traditional post midnight revel repast.

Still mingeling he espied a hungry guest ranging over toward the meat pies.
Like a flash he was upon him.

"Not now Monsieur, he cried, "I think they're for 1 a.m.!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Tim Hagman <hagmanti#NoSpam.pilot.msu.edu>
Remember, never put Horace before Descartes...

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "I.A. Paul" <I.A.Paul#NoSpam.gmx.net>
What is the error of saying,
"I am, therefore I think"?

You end up placing de Horace before Descartes!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having children do
problems on the blackboard that day.

``Who would like to do the first problem, addition?''

No one raised their hand.  She called on Tommy, and with some help he
finally got it right.

``Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?''

Students hid their faces.  She called on Mark, who got the problem but
there was some suspicion his girlfriend Lisa whispered it to him.

``Who would like to do the third problem, division?''

Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone looked at
nothing in particular.  The teacher called on Suzy, who got it right
(she has been known to hold back sometimes in front of her friends).

``Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?''

Tim's hand shot up, surprising everyone in the room.  Mrs. Johnson
finally gained her composure in the stunned silence.  ``Why the
enthusiasm, Tim?''

``God said to go forth and multiply!''

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

August 8
October 20
In the bayous of Louisiana, there is a small river called the Dirac.
Many wealthy people have their mansions near its mouth.  One of the
social leaders decided to have a  grand ball.  Being a cousin of the
Governor, she arranged  for a detachment of the state militia to serve
as guards and traffic directors for the big doings.  A captain was
sent over with a small company; naturally he asked if there was enough
room for him and his unit.  The social leader replied, "But of course,
Captain!  It is well known that the Dirac delta function has unit
area."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Bertrand (Arthur William) Russell
May 18
Februari 2

Russell to Whitehead: "My Godel is killing me!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

November 11
May 8
The British Mathematical Colloquium consists of three days of mathematics
with no dogs and no wives.  -- Henry Whitehead
Quoted in D MacHale, Comic Sections (Dublin 1993)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

One attractive young businesswoman to another, over lunch:
My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my
weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

What keeps a square from moving ? why, square roots of course.
How many square roots does it have ? why, 2 obviously.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, Puns of the weak
What happened to the plant in the math classroom?
It got square roots (Jake, 10) 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

How can you tell that Harvard was layed out by a mathematician?
The div school [divinity school] is right next to the grad school...

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

                        Mathematical Sex

   Wherein it is related how that Polygon of Womanly Virtue, your Polly
Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that Notorious Villain Curly Pi, and
factored (oh, horror).

   Once upon a time ( 1/T ), Pretty Polly Nomial was strolling across a
field of vectors when she came to the boundary of a singularly large
matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute
condition that she never enter such an array without her brackets on.
Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis that it was
insufficient, and made her way amongst the complex elements. Rows and
columns closed in from all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She
became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, two branches of a hyperbola
touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point,
she tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more, she found
herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidian space.
   She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was
lurking innerproduct. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a
singular expression crossed his face. He wondered, was she still
convergent? He decided to integrate improperly at once.
   Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly Pi
approaching with his power series extrapolated.  She could see at once by his
degenerate conic and dissipative terms that he was bent on no good.
   "Arcsinh," she gasped.
   "Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little asymptote you have. I can see
your angles have a lot of secs."
   "Oh, sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets
on."
   "Calm yourself, My Dear," said our Suave Operator.  "Your fears are purely
imaginary."
   "I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but homologous."
   "What order are you?" the Brute demanded.
   "Seventeen," replied Polly.
   Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on."
   "Of course not," Polly replied quite properly. "I'm absolutely
convergent."
   "Come, come," said Curly, "Let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll
take you to the limit."
   "Never," gasped Polly.
   "Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was
gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless,
Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places, and
began smoothing out her points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic
method was now her only hope. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
   There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's radius
squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by parts. He
integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he performed
rungecutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a
contour integration. Curly went on operating until he had satisfied her
hypothesis, then he exponentiated and became completely orthogonal.
   When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no
longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places. But
is was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly's
denominator increased monotonically. Finally, she went to the L'Hopital and
generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the
place and drove Polly to deviation.

   The moral of our sad story is this:
   'If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a
single degree of freedom...'

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

He thinks he's really smooth, but he's only C^1. He's always going off on a
tangent.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: <U42157#NoSpam.uicvm.uic.edu> Jim Slepicka
     After the earth dries out, Noah tells all the animals to 'go forth
and multiply'. However, two snakes, adders to be specific, complain to
Noah that this is one thing they have never been able to do, hard as
they have tried. Undaunted, Noah instructs the snakes to go into the
woods, make tables from the trunks of fallen trees and give it a try
on the tabletops.
The snakes respond that they don't understand how this will help them
to procreate whereupon Noah explains: "Well, even adders can multiply
using log tables!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

A man camped in a national park, and noticed Mr. Snake and Mrs. Snake
slithering by.  "Where are all the little snakes?" he asked.  Mr.
Snake replied, "We are adders, so we cannot multiply."

The following year, the man returned to the same camping spot.  This
time there were a whole batch of little snakes.  "I thought you said
you could not multiply," he said to Mr. Snake.  "Well, the park ranger
came by and built a log table, so now we can multiply by adding!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Math and Alcohol don't mix, so...

PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE

Then there's every parent's scream when their child walks into the
room dazed and staggering:

OH NO...YOU'VE BEEN TAKING DERIVATIVES!!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: jwalradt#NoSpam.rmci.net (John R. Walradt)

Q: Where do mathematicians go shopping?
a: At the decimall.

From: dhobus#NoSpam.YESnet.yk.ca (Dave and Sandy Hobus)

And when they park, they put their money in the decimeter.

From: Intech <intech#NoSpam.imperium.net>
Let's keep adding a few puns here, but don't let them divide us.  The
denominating factor that will determine if your pun is worthy or not will
depend on if you can produce a good product or not.

From: "Les Stewart" <lesstew1#NoSpam.mail.pernet.net>
The mall was flooded, I tried to go by U-boat but I couldn't get any
sub-traction.

From: shelleyd#NoSpam.interport.net (Shelley Levine)

I'm sure the puns will multiply, and a fraction of them might even be good.

From: "J.A. McCulloch" <xxxxx#NoSpam.concentric.net>

Why are mathematicians so negative?
Because they are nonplussed.

Why are there so many mathematicians?
Because they let nothing subtract from their multiplying.

From: Melanie Aultman <afn10453#NoSpam.afn.org>
There was a girl who took her math book to the gym because she needed to
reduce her fractions....

From: "Les Stewart" <lesstew1#NoSpam.mail.pernet.net>
I am a dark, well-dressed man who would like join the fun.
				sined,

From: Steve P. <stevep#NoSpam.interport.net>
I heard you had to borrow a lot of money to buy those new clothes. Did you
have a co-siner for your loan?
				the tangent

From: "Les Stewart" <lesstew1#NoSpam.mail.pernet.net>
Fractaly my dear, I don't give a damn!

From: Adnan <nldc#NoSpam.worldnet.att.net>
Couldn't we try seeing this from a different angle?

From: LoRdGoOsE <bear4876#NoSpam.capital.net>
How could you be so obtuse?

From: fc3a501#NoSpam.GEO.math.uni-hamburg.de (Hauke Reddmann)

How can you factor a rhesus, when he belongs to the primates?

From: Adnan (nldc#NoSpam.worldnet.att.net)

PI the way who is keeping the log?

From: LoRdGoOsE <bear4876#NoSpam.capital.net>
I'm not sure, but this log is NOT natural at all, need i enumerate the
probabilities?

And by the way, in genetics, I think that the guys at the lab have to do
their reporting per mutation, just to keep it straight

From: "Pierre Abbat" <phma#NoSpam.trellis.net>
August 5
April 6
Q: What fish commutes?
A: An abelian grouper.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: just kiddin (Elisabeth) <maelmill#NoSpam.EUnet.at>
Q: What is 8 divided in two parts?
A: Vertically it is 3,
   horizontally it is 0.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Mark Chatterton" <chatt000#NoSpam.mail.genmills.com>
Q: Can an english major learn math?
A: Cosecant!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: mstueben#NoSpam.pen.k12.va.us (Michael A. Stueben)

Q: What is a backwards written integral sign?
A: an impropral integral.

Q:What is a proof?
A: One-half percent of alcohol.
April 10
Januari 25
Q:Can you prove LaGranges's Identity?
A: Are you kidding?  It's really hard to prove the identity of someone
who's been dead for over 150 years!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

August 27
April 20
From: markrot#NoSpam.Glue.umd.edu (Mark Peter Rothlisberger)

Q: What is black and white ivory and fills space?
A: A piano curve

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

August 5
April 6
Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Q: What's purple, commutes, and is worshiped by a limited number
   of people?
A: A finitely venerated abelian grape.

From: bs#NoSpam.st-andrews.ac.uk (Ben Soares)

Q: What's green, dangerous and commutative?
A: An abelian grape with a machine gun.
(and that one's just plain silly).

From: Al Gerheim <gerheim#NoSpam.sonalysts.com>
Q: What's an Abelian group under addition, is closed, associative,
distributive, and bears a curse?
A: The ring of the Nibelung.

Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?
A: Because he left a residue at every pole.

Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
   function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.

Q: What do a mathematician and a physicist [or engineer, or musician,
   or whatever the profession of the person addressed] have in common?
A: They are both stupid, with the exception of the mathematician.

Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A: A high-pot-in-use

Q: What do you call a broken record?
A: A Decca-gone

Q: What do you get when you cross 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
A: One hundred sows-and-bucks

Special Category: Why the chicken crossed the road according to scientists
November 17
September 26
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other ... er, um ...

Q: What is the world's longest song?
A: "Aleph-nought Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

Q: What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
A1: He works it out with a pencil.
From: jackson#NoSpam.dstc.edu.au (David Jackson)

A2:(S)he tried to work it out with a pencil, but in the end
   (s)he had to use logs.
From: saconn#NoSpam.iol.ie (Stephen Connolly)

A3: He worked it out with a computer/calculator
A4: he got one of his students to work it out for him
From: Lynn Killingbeck <killbeck#NoSpam.phoenix.net>
A5: Use to be "...with a slide rule."
From: "John Charnock" <J.M.Charnock#NoSpam.dl.ac.uk>
A6: How does a mathematician cure constipation?
    She works it out with a pencil and a piece of paper.
 So how does an elephant mathematician cure constipation?
    It works it out with logs.

June 6
March 9
Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice.
A: Zorn's Lemon.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra.
A: Elephant zebra sin theta.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
A: Elephant-grape-sin(theta)

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber.
A: You can't do that.  A mountain climber is a scalar.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
A: Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to
   the two as determined by the right hand rule.

Q: What do you get when you cross a tsetse with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scalar.


Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain goat and a mountain climber?
A: Nothing.  You cant cross two scalars.

Special Category: Norbert Wiener
November 26
March 18
Q: To what question is the answer "9W."
A: "Dr. Wiener, do you spell your name with a V?"

November 14
Q: What's non-orientable and lives in the sea?
A: Mobius Dick.

Q: What do you get when you put a spinning flywheel in a casket and
   turn a corner?
A: A funeral precession

Q: What's big, grey, and proves the uncountability of the reals?
A: Cantor's Diagonal Elephant!

Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?
A: A lamb, duh!!!

Q: What goes "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"?
A: A parroty error!!

Q: What did the circle say to the tangent line?
A: "Stop touching me!"

From: Jos van Kan <j.vankan#NoSpam.math.tudelft.nl>
Q: What's yellow, linear, normed and complete?
A: A Bananach space.

From: dmc#NoSpam.sjfc.edu (Dan Cass)

Q: What's polite and works for the phone company?
A: A deferential operator.

From: bs#NoSpam.st-andrews.ac.uk (Ben Soares)

Q: What is linear and sounds a bit like a Nectar Race?
A: A vector space.
(it is irrelevant what a nectar race is)

Q: How do you make one burn?
A: Differentiate a log fire.
(that one is subtle)

From: Large_Nassau_Grouper#NoSpam.Yahoo.com (Reef Fish)
September 26
November 17
Q:  What is huge and white and has only one side?  
A:  Mobius Dick.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "hugo lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>
Elephant Banana peel math joke, revised version:
Sine-theta: Teacher, What happens if you cross an elephant with a banana
peel? (or Cindy Theta) 
Teacher: Elephant trips on banana peel, Sine-theta, and falls in the
direction as indicated by the right-hand rule! 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Hugo and david lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>
A possible thought of Zorn's lemon: an unlucky decision. Making Zorn's
lemonade means by averaging several bad decisions you get the optimum
possible decision, although it may still be unlucky. (Heard of the saying
that says "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade?" In other word, this
is making the best of a bad situation!) My stupid theory!


mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Large_Nassau_Grouper#NoSpam.Yahoo.com (Reef Fish)

Inspired by a "mathematical joke" I came across on a web page:
August 21
May 23
Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"? 
A: Because he left a residue at every pole. 

which would require a rather deep knowledge of advanced mathematics
(such as a graduate course in the theory of functions of a complex 
variable) to fully comprehend (and appreciate) the "joke", I hereby 
pose a couple of original (to the best of my knowledge) "Cauchy" 
jokes to see if there are mathematicians in this ng to answer any 
of it (you have to understand the math behind the intended "answers" 
first, before you can see anything funny about the answer(s) which 
may not be unique:

Q1.  Why was Cauchy convicted in the USA for violating its constitution?

Q2.  Why was Cauchy committed to an insane asylum?

Q3.  Corollary Q2.  Why was Cauchy convicted for being a vagrant?
   
Scroll down for suggested Answers and "explanations" to answers  ...  
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A1.  Because he conspired with Schwarz in advocating ineqality.

     (Well-known Cauchy Schwarz Inequalities in math and statistics.)


A2.  Because he was an extreme non-normal deviate.

     (Cauchy Distribution is an extreme-long-tailed distribution
     in probability/statistics that looks "normal" (Gaussian)
     but extremely non-normal -- a T-distribution with 1 
     degree-of-freedom whereas a normal distribution is a T-
     distribution with infinite degrees-of-freedom.)  Deepish. :-))
     Derivative of the gag that a "normal deviate" is an oxymoron.


A3.  Because he can show no means of support.

     (The "mean" (Expected Value) of a Cauchy Distribution doesn't 
     exist.)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Brian Cornell <BCornell#NoSpam.tascm.com>
Q: What do you get when you cross a hot dog and a pair of jeans?
A: The weiner-strauss theorum...

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: jhd#NoSpam.radix.net (Joseph Davidson)

Q:Mathematical Name for a Toilet Seat
A:An ass-toroid

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Q: What does an analytic number theoriest say when he is drowning?
A: Log-log, log-log, log-log, . . .

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 14
October 30
From: v090nlb4#NoSpam.ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu (Mark J. VanDerwater)

halloween math
Q: Wadaya get when you take the circumference of your jack-o-lantern and
   divide it by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Melanie Aultman <afn10453#NoSpam.afn.org>
Q: What kind of insect is good at math?
A: The account-ant

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: bwhite#NoSpam.oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu (Bill White)

Q: What's a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: lmmill#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com(LOUIS MILLER)

Q: What is 710 inverted?
A: Think:  OILed up you brains

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    Q:  What quantity is represented by this ?

                 /\         /\         /\
                /  \       /  \       /  \
                /  \       /  \       /  \
               /    \     /    \     /    \
               /    \     /    \     /    \
              /______\   /______\   /______\
                 ||         ||         ||
                 ||         ||         ||

    A:  9,  tree + tree + tree

    Q:  A dust storm blows through, now how much do you have ?

    A:  99,  dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree

    Q:  Some birds go flying by and leave their droppings,
        one per tree, how many is that ?

    A:  100,  dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd
               + dirty tree and a turd

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Q:After a big meal together, ask someone: What is the square root of -1/64?
A:I overate (or i/8)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    Q:  What's the title of this picture ?

              ..  .. ____ ..  ..
               \\===/======\\==
                ||  |    |  ||
                ||  |____|  ||
                || (      ) ||
                ||  \____/  ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||          ||
                ||    (\    ||
                ||    ) )   ||
                ||  //||\\  ||

    A:  Hypotenuse

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: S Aggarwal <saggarwa#NoSpam.direct.ca>
What do you call...
A Politically Correct angle?.............. Right.
A stubborn angle?......................... Obtuse.
A pretty angle?........................... Acute.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 30
August 31
From: spog#NoSpam.jwgh.org (Jacob W. Haller)
I always liked:

Q: What's yellow and differentiable?

A: A bananalytic function.

"Bananalytic" is just fun to say.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: kovarik#NoSpam.mcmail.cis.McMaster.CA (Zdislav V. Kovarik)
May 14
October 7
Math charity: improving Lipschitz conditions in New York slums.
October 6
Februari 12
Math injuries: Dedekind cuts and bruises
Math politics: The radical is the intersection of all maximal left ideals.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Is the square root of ab absurd?

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Algebra is x-sighting.
Vectors can be 'arrowing.
I'm partial to fractions.
I like angles ... to a degree.
I could go on and on about sequences.
Translations are shifty.
Complex numbers are unreal.
I feel positive about integers.
On average, people are mean.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

October 31
Februari 19
From:mstueben#NoSpam.pen.k12.va.us (Michael A. Stueben)

            Puns on Theorems
The Royal Chain Mail Factory had received a large order for battle
uniforms. Each uniform consisted of a toga and a pair of short pants. Their
only problem was how long to make the pants: too short and a soldier could
be exposed; too long and a uniform would be excessively heavy. So they
called in a mathematician. He had a uniform made and tested. The hem on the
pants proved to be too short, so he increased it a little bit, then a little
more, and then a little bit more, and so on until finally he was able to
derive an exact trousers-length depending on the leg-length of the soldier.
The chief tailor was curious. "How did you determine this ratio?" he asked?
"Easy," said the mathematician. "I just used the Wire-trousers Hem Test of
Uniform Convergence."

This is a pun on the "Weierstrauss M-test of uniform convergence," where M[k]
is a convergent series of positive real numbers. (It was sent to me by
Andrius Tamulis.) I wonder why M and not, say, N (numeric) or S (sum).
M stands for . . .?
From: bdillon#NoSpam.admin.aurora.edu (Bob Dillon)

The following is from the January 23, 1995 issue of Chemical and
Engineering News.
Story Problems Portray Gains in Teaching Math

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: mstueben#NoSpam.pen.k12.va.us (Michael A. Stueben)

                   THIRTEEN MISUNDERSTANDINGS
                            IN THE
                     HISTORY OF MATHEMATICS

  In the interest of historical accuracy let it be known that
...

1) Fibonacci's daughter was not named "Bunny."
2) Michael Rolle was not Danish, and did not call his
   daughter "Tootsie."
3) William Horner was not called "Little-Jack" by his
   friends.
4) The "G" in G. Peano does not stand for "grand."
5) Rene Descartes' middle name is not "push."
6) Isaac Barrow's middle name is not "wheel."
7) There is no such place as the University of Wis-cosine,
   and if there was, the motto of their mathematics
   department would not be "Secant ye shall find."
8) Although Euler is pronounced oil-er, it does not follow
   that Euclid is pronounced oi-clid.
9) Franklin D. Roosevelt never said "The only thing we have
   to sphere is sphere itself."
10) Fibonacci is not a shortened form of the Italian name that
    is actually spelled: F i bb ooo nnnnn aaaaaaaa
    ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
    iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
11) It is true that August Mobius was a difficult and
    opinionated man. But he was not so rigid that he could
    only see one side to every question.
March 8
December 27
November 15
Special Category: Johannes Kepler
12) It is true that Johannes Kepler had an uphill struggle
    in explaining his theory of elliptical orbits to the
    other astronomers of his time. And it is also true that
    his first attempt was a failure. But it is not true that
    after his lecture the first three questions he was asked
    were "What is elliptical?" What is an orbit?" and "What
    is a planet?
13) It is true that primitive societies use only rough
    approximations for the known constants of mathematics.
    For example, the northern tribes of Alaska consider the
    ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle to
    be 3. But it is not true that the value of 3 is called
    Eskimo pi. Incidentally, the survival of these tribes is
    dependent upon government assistance, which is not always
    forthcoming. For example, the Canadian firm of Tait and
    Sons sold a stock of defective compasses to the government
    at half-price, and the government passed them onto the
    northern natives. Hence the saying among these peoples:
    "He who has a Tait's is lost."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: immortal#NoSpam.wam.umd.edu (Immortal = Justin Wyss-Gallifent)

Q: Why can't you grow wheat in Z/6Z ?
A: Because it's not a field.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: kovarik#NoSpam.mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca (Zdislav V. Kovarik)

A retired mathematician took up gardening, and is now growing carrots
with square roots.
*

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: G.P. <GPopper#NoSpam.Hotmail.Com>
Q: What happens to plants that live in a math class room?
A: They grow square roots

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: brian#NoSpam.brisk.demon.co.uk (Brian Skinner)

The retired mathematicians house was called aftermath.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: wft#NoSpam.math.canterbury.ac.nz (Bill Taylor)

Some say the pope is the greatest cardinal.
But others insist this cannot be so, as every pope has a successor.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 14
From: you#NoSpam.somehost.somedomain (Your Name Here)

Mathematician's Bakery:  House of Pi

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

December 25
March 30
Special Category: Isaac Newton
Special Category: Niels Abel
August 5
April 6

From: Ralph Craig <rrcraig>
Q:  Why didn't Newton discover group theory?
A:  Because he wasn't Abel.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

December 17
Februari 18
From: fc3a501#NoSpam.math.uni-hamburg.de (Hauke Reddmann)

Does a politician* exists who does nothing at all?
Yes,because they form a Lie group.
* optionally replace with your favorite hate group

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

In this branch of mathematics it is very difficult to be sure of water-
proof tights.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: centaur#NoSpam.nai.net (Dave Wright)

 Mermaid mathematicians wear algaebras.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: centaur#NoSpam.nai.net (Dave Wright)

Aftermath:  The horrible headache you have when you've finished the algebra
             test.  --"Funky Winkerbean" strip by Tom Batiuk

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Scot Nelson <napuumaia#NoSpam.flex.com>
My math teacher baked cookies and asked if I would eat sum.  I said no,
there were too many additives.

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>
That's what you get for using a commercial product.
I bet the class was divided about it.

From: Guy Ritchie <whataguy#NoSpam.mail.utexas.edu>
I don't think so. The roots of unity were deep in their minds.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Jan Hyde
My math teacher had a strange plant in the school room.
It had square roots.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Larry Bavly <bavly#NoSpam.rci.rutgers.edu>
Two mathematicians are looking at a convergent series.
The first one says, "Do you realize that the series converges even when all
the terms are made positive?"
The second asks, "Are you sure about that?"
The first replies "Absolutely!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Said Tom
From: Melanie Aultman <afn10453#NoSpam.afn.org>
"It's a plane figure," Tom said flatly.
"99 is almost 100," said Tom roughly.
"1,3,5,7," Tom said oddly.
"Space is an infinite set of points," Tom said distantly.
"They are mirror images," reflected Tom.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Said Tom

From: Chantel Mijo <sesquipedelian#NoSpam.mindspring.com>

"Consider a linear 2-dimensional universe", Tom's teacher said plainly.
"Not I", Tom replied unimaginatively.
"Why not?", she asked initially.
"We haven't discussed the addition problems", Tom said nonplused.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Said Tom
From: Clinton Rogers <CRogers#NoSpam.eGain.com>
"I don't know what (b^2 - 4ac) equals and I don't care!" said Tom
indiscriminately...

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Said Tom

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, puns of the weak
"I'm a mathematician," Tom added summarily. (Simon Champion)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, puns of the weak
Sure, my friend Abacus is a bit socially awkward and dresses funny. But of
all the people I know, he's the one I can always count on. (Andy Krakowski
from Ruminations) 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

   /
  |   1
  | -----  = log cabin
  | cabin
 /

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]


   /
  |   1
  | -----  = log cabin + C = houseboat
  | cabin
 /

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: cfaerber#NoSpam.muc.de (Claus Faerber)

Q: Why's 6 afraid of 7
A: cos 789

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

"The world is everywhere dense with idiots."                - LFS

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Richard Carr <carr#NoSpam.math.columbia.edu>
Apologies in advance:

A new PhD in algebra gets a temporary position at a university for a
year.  He bumps into one of the faculty and, having the cockiness and
arrogance of youth, says to him, "I have heard it said that all
logicians go insane.  Why then did you decide to study Model Theory?"

"My dear doctor, very few logicians go insane but the entire algebra
faculty is seeing the psychiatrist," replied the logician.

Thusly tempered, the young man replies uncertainly, "The entire faculty?"

"Yes, they're all in group therapy."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Scot Nelson <scot.nelson#NoSpam.gte.net>
My math teacher has an negative arithmetic mean streak and a high
coefficient of variation.  I think he's only a few numbers > [] whose days
outside of a sanitarium are numbered.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "<Bleek>" <Bad @math.com>
get a slice of the proverbial PI
without being an ODDball or a SQUARE.

Get a COSINEer for my loan.

get to the ROOT of the PROBLEM
Maybe EVEN SOLVE it.

ADD a small FRACTION of sanity
to an otherwise IRRATIONAL NUMBER of insane days
in a row.

oh what's the DIFFERENCE.

It's just a SINE of the TIMES.

Nobody cares if I use sugar or EQUAL in my
coffee.

Oh heck, QUANTUM to care about something. . .
Tell them SINEfield is quitting
Then they can't FUNCTION CORRECTly.

or start a discussion about the student
that put a noose on a black kid's car at school
I't's amazing how much media HYPOTENUSE will get!
(Ouch that one hurt!!)
there's already too much racial DIVISION in this
world. created, to some MEASURE, by the peoples' SPHERE of the
unknown. I MEAN. . . . . .
Sorry I went off on a TANGENT.

I'm sure there are a WHOLE NUMBER of people
that are good but it just seem that
the world is so NEGATIVE!
always has been.
even as an INFINATE bugged me.

We need to CIRCLE the wagons
and pull together as a team.
otherwize we will end up like the cars
that are RECTANGLEd up on the side of the
highway.

I better stop now!
Besides . . . it's just THEOREM talking.

By the way,
MINUS bigger than yours is!
want SUM?

OH BLEEK
TRIANGLE lightly on them
There not used TWO you yet.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Q: How does a Mathematician support himself?
A: With Brackets.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: fc3a501#NoSpam.math.uni-hamburg.de (Hauke Reddmann)

Joe Average can get very mean.

From: Drew Cohn <007NO00SPAM#NoSpam.planetarymotion.net.invalid>
Especially when he crosses the median while eating pie a la mode.

From: obnoxio#NoSpam.hotmail.com (Obnoxio The Clown)

Going off at a bit of a tangent, didn't you mean pi a la mode? My local
diner has such nice pi, you have to sine a disclaimer that you won't
overeat. Anyone you bring with has to cosine the paper. Anyway, I'm going
round in circles....

From: Drew Cohn <007NO00SPAM#NoSpam.planetarymotion.net.invalid>
Thanks for squaring me away. At 3.14, your diner's pi is too
expensive. Unless we can come up with some kind of reciprocal
arrangement, I'll just have a glass of root beer instead.

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>
That's the variance-r I was looking for.

From: "Richard Haxby" <rhaxby#NoSpam.cableinet.co.uk>
If you dont divide the bill proportionately, one of you could get a real
shock - with 2 root beers, you could find your friend has paid an imaginary
number, and your credit card bill will have recurring decimals for months
to come.

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>
That's a standard error to make. Even in your prime you should know the
odds were against leaving you with that many degrees of freedom so that
should have been a factor in your getting to the root of the problem. If
that rings a bell, curve around the arc. There is no need to gauss
distribution.

From: obnoxio#NoSpam.hotmail.com (Obnoxio The Clown)

I'm sure it will only be a fraction of the price. Hey, if we went together,
we could integrate the bill. I'm sure it wouldn't be too much effort to
differentiate our contributions...

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Larry Bavly <bavly#NoSpam.rci.rutgers.edu>
Q: What do you call someone who's afraid of abstract albegra?
A: Homomorphicphobic

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: fc3a501#NoSpam.math.uni-hamburg.de (Hauke Reddmann)

Porno for mathematicians
"Pumping Lemma"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: planb#NoSpam.newsreaders.com (J.B. Moreno)
November 17
September 26
Moebius strippers only show you their back side.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

March 14
From: "Ted Smith" <tcsmith#NoSpam.calweb.com>
As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Pierre de Fermat
Januari 12
August 17
From: "Buffalo Chilkat" <mammal#NoSpam.watering.hole>
Since I installed a large bear rug near my fireplace, my wife has become
more amorous.  She pulls me onto the rug and starts kissing me.  It didn't
add up until I thought about the bear rug.  I think the rug makes her
horny.  This is Fur-mat's Lust Theorem.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Cybe R. Wizard <cybe#NoSpam.cyberwizardztower.com>

I know a crazy anesthesiologist who calls himself "The Square Root of
Minus One."  It seems that he is an irrational number.

From: Joachim
I don't believe it. That guy is clearly imaginary.

From: Virgil <vmhjr2#NoSpam.home.com>:
What is irrational about the square root of minus 1?
It is a Gaussian integer!

Now the square root of 2, that's irrational!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Peter The Great" <peter_the_great#NoSpam.24ghz.co.za>

What kind of math did the monster student do best?
Scare root.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Tushir Malik" <tushir_malik#NoSpam.hotmail.com>
How will a mathematician will win a war easily ...
By putting the enemy in close brackets ...

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Januari 10
September 18
From: Hauke Reddmann <fc3a501#NoSpam.uni-hamburg.de>
Other name for Math Wizard

Legendre-main

(But when he dies, will only a legend remain?)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: whEeeler#NoSpam.tns.net (mike whEeeler)
Laguerre, fellow, where do you come up with this crap?
Gauss I'll never know...

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]


From: Sam Wormley <swormley1#NoSpam.mchsi.com>
Without geometry, life is pointless.

From: "Boris Mohar" <borism-notrequired-#NoSpam.sympatico.ca>
Without a point there is no geometry.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Hauke Reddmann
What is the difference between numbers and people?
For numbers, they are rational if they have a period.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Dr. Richard L. Hall" <hall#NoSpam.xari2.com>

At Heathrow Airport today, an individual (later discovered to be a public school teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. From: "Chuck" <chuck_dinsmore#NoSpam.hotmail.com> At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x"and"y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point,and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex." Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say,read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply,their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."


mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "PAUL ROBERT VARLEY" <VAR14084#NoSpam.gorseinon.ac.uk>

What did Pythagoras say when he was confronted by the square root 
of 2?
"Now there has to be a rational explanation for this..."

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "CY13E12 TE121201215T"

A math problem had the student going in circles until he decided to walk
around the block a few times. That's when he found the square route.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

Special Category: Niels Abel
August 5
April 6
From: adomplayer#NoSpam.yahoo.com (dreamvigile)
Q: What's the highest number in group theory?
A: a belian

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>
	I took my two sons, ages seven and five to the playground at our local
park. My seven year old was very proud as he was able to read the sign with
all the rules to his brother. "Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in
motion." "Go down the slide while sitting only." "Only one child on a swing
at a time." There were about twenty rules and the boys promised to obey
them all, if I would trust them and let them play without Daddy standing
by. They said that they were too old to be watched and their friends would
tease them calling them babies if Dad stayed. I made them promise to be
good and obey the rules, and rejoined my wife preparing our picnic lunch.
When it was time to get the children, I decided to watch them at a distance
for a while to see how reliable they were in following my instructions. I
found that they obeyed most of the printed instructions. That is, all but
one. They would get on the tall semicircular slide and go down head first
or backward. Angerly, I picked up the children and took them over to the
posted regulations and made my seven year old read it aloud again. Then I
asked the boys what they had to say for themselves. My five year old
answered immediately, "Dont be silly, Dad. ... Theres no need for a slide
rule anymore."  (By Stan Kegel) 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, puns of the weak
Q: Why did the student wear glasses in math class?
A: Because it helps to improve division.  (Daily Groaner) 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, Puns of the Weak
Why was the math book sad? 
Because it had so many problems! (Liana, 11) 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, Puns of the Weak
What was the acorns favorite subject in school?
	Geometry (Gee, Im a tree) (Tamrin, 8)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: vidyasury <vidyasury#NoSpam.vsnl.in>

Q. How did the analytic number theorist finish his email?
A. He log-logged out!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Joseph A Spitzig <jaspitzig#NoSpam.juno.com>

X-bar is where statisticians go when their work drives them to drink.

As I began my statistics course, I wondered whether I might become a
statistician  or just another statistic.

Numbers make me numb.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: snispilbor#NoSpam.yahoo.com (Snis Pilbor)

My diff. eq. instructor seemed a bit perturbed today.  I hope he isn't
an unstable point!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: snispilbor#NoSpam.yahoo.com (Snis Pilbor)

Student 1:  Why is this instructor so sarcastic and condescending?
Student 2:  We're just naive set theorists.  He's a jaded set
theorist.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Alex Yasgar" <alex#NoSpam.yasgar.com>
Geometry is for squares

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Snis Pilbor" <snispilbor#NoSpam.yahoo.com>

An ambitious young graduate student gave a surprise lecture where he
claimed to have disproven the Riemann Hypothesis.  He began by drawing the
Cayley Tables for some interesting groups.  He used a table of integrals
and a table of Laplacetransforms to demonstrate some identities.  Then he
wrote up some complicated truth tables to wade through some convoluted
hypotheses.  Finally he wrapped it all up with an appeal to the periodic
table of elements.  "You idiot!!" his mentor shouted from the audience.
"That's not a counter example... it's a table example!!!"

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Stan Kegel <kegel#NoSpam.fea.net>, Puns of the Weak

The test I gave my math class covered everything we'd studied all year --
fractions, percentages and portions of whole units. But maybe I could have
explained things better. To the question "What portion of a foot is six
inches?"one student answered, "The toes?" (Lorraine A. Bellis)

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: riemann#NoSpam.bezeqint.net
Hi I have a few jokes of my own that I made up here are some of them:
1)
Q: what does a one to one linear operator says?
A: I don't Ker.
 
2)
    Q: who says I'm zero?
    A: the Kernel of one to one linear operator 
3)
    trace(Y)=sigma(Yii) i=1 to n.
    this is the reason the name traceY is  so famous
4)
    Q: what is a polar bear?
    A1: it is a rectangular bear after suitable change of coordinates times
    the Jaacobian. 
    A2: it is a rectangular bear after suitable change of coordinates times
    r 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Sophia Alexander <sophiaalexander#NoSpam.optusnet.com.au>

F(x) walks into a bar and asks for  drink. The barman declines stating "we
don't cater for functions.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "david lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>

Where do the complex numbers take drinks? 
They have them at the z bar, of course!

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Hugo Lowenstein <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>
An eigensheep calls its own wool eigenwool. 

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "david lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>
for every apple, there is an associated orange. -david
there is a transformation between oranges and marmalade and apples and
apple sauce.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "david lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>

Since one sometimes does not take the derivative of f with respect to x,
does x feel insulted?

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: "Buffalo Chilkat" <mammal#NoSpam.watering.hole>

I got drunk at math club last night, but fortunately there was designated
deriver.

mathematics
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

From: Hauke Reddmann <fc3a501#NoSpam.uni-hamburg.de>

If you see a plant distributed as a^n*e^-a/n!,
better don't touch it. It's a Poisson Ivy.


next:1.7 mathematical terms | Index | Comments and Contributions

Subsections


Member of the Science Humor Net Ring
[ Previous 5 Sites | Previous | Next | Next 5 Sites ]
[ Random Site | List Sites ]


Hit Statistics