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From: jjb1#NoSpam.crux3.cit.cornell.edu
************************************************************************
Here it is guys...
The Official MIT Nerd Test
Score one point for each YES. Total score is % nerdity. Good luck!
1. Have you ever used a computer? (If the answer is no, try
taking the Baker House Purity test.)
2. Have you ever programmed a computer?
3. Have you ever built a computer?
4. Done #2 continuously for more than four hours?
5. Have you ever "fingered" anyone on a computer?
6. Did you enjoy it?
7. Do you wear glasses?
8. Are your glasses broken (e.g. taped) ?
9. Is your vision worse than 20/40?
10. Worse than 20/80?
11. Are you legally blind?
12. Have you ever asked a question in lecture?
13. Have you ever answered a question in lecture?
14. Have you ever corrected a professor?
15. Have you ever answered a rhetorical question?
16. Do you sit in the front row?
17. Do you take notes in more than one color?
18. Have you ever worn a calculator?
19. A pocket protector?
20. Have you ever used a microscope?
21. Have you ever used a telescope?
22. Have you ever used an oscilloscope?
23. Is your weight less than your IQ?
24. Have you ever done #2 on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of
the same weekend?
25. Have you ever done #2 past 4 am?
26. Have you ever done #2 with someone of the appropriate (Either
or both, your choice) sex (besides your consultant)?
27. Have you ever done #2 for money?
28. Do you own a Rubik's Cube?
29. Can you solve it?
30. Without the book?
31. Without looking?
32. Do you have acne?
33. Do you have greasy hair?
34. Are you unaware of it?
35. Have you ever bought anything from Radio Shack?
36. Did you redesigned anything from Radio Shack?
37. Do you know how to use a sliderule?
38. Do you know calculus?
39. Do you know Maxwell's Equations?
40. Do you have them on a T-shirt?
41. Have you ever dissected anything?
42. Do you know pi past five decimal places?
43. Do you know e past five decimal places?
44. Do you own more than $500 in electronics (excluding stereo)?
45. More than $1000?
46. Have you ever built more than $1000 worth of electronics?
48. Have you ever designed a multistep chemical synthesis?
49. Was it fun?
50. Have you ever read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
51. Was your math SAT more than 300 points higher than your verbal?
52. Have you ever worked on a Friday night?
53. While there's a party next door?
54. And wished that someone would invite you to over?
55. Have you ever played a computer game?
56. Done #55 in the last three months?
57. Done #55 in the last three weeks?
58. Have you ever written a computer game?
59. Are your pants too short?
60. Do your socks mismatch?
61. Have you used a chemistry set?
62. After the age of 13?
63. Have you ever played D&D (or other role-playing game)?
64. Since high school?
65. Have you ever entered a science fair?
66. Did you win?
67. Do you own a digital watch?
68. Does it play music?
69. Does it have a calculator?
70. Have you ever used a rare earth element?
71. Do you own a CRC?
72. Do you own a CRT?
73. Do you own an HP calculator?
74. Do you know how to use it?
75. Were you ever on a chess team?
76. Were you ever on a debate team?
77. Do you know more than three programming languages?
78. More than eight?
79. Have you ever made a technical joke?
80. Did no one get it?
81. Can you name more than ten Star Trek episodes?
82. Are you socially inept?
83. Do you own a pencil case?
84. Do you wear it?
85. Do you know Schrodinger's equation?
86. Have you ever solved it?
87. Have you ever used the word "asymptotic"?
88. Can you count in binary?
89. Have you ever broken into a computer system?
90. A government system?
91. Have you ever changed your bank account?
92. Changed someone else's?
93. Done #2 for money?
94. Have you ever inhaled helium?
95. Do you know the Latin name for a fruit fly?
96. Do you own anything that is radio controlled?
97. Have you ever interpolated?
98. Have you ever extrapolated?
99. Have you ever used a modem?
100. Have you ever reached sexual climax while doing #2?
RANK CLASSIFICATION
------------------------------------------
1-20 Totally cool, dude!
21-40 Your social life needs some serious help.
40-60 Nerd!
60-80 YOU need some serious help.
80-100 Hail, O Great Nerd Master. I have sacrificed some virgin,
untouched sliderules in your name.
There is an interactive later version of this test with 500 questions(!)
on: http://home.rochester.rr.com/jbennett/nerd/n500test.html
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From Aliquotes Volume V Number vii July/97 (rogerb#NoSpam.microsoft.com)
GEEKOMETER
By Natalie Goto
Now that the timid Canadian summer has finally decided to grace us with her
presence, voices of dissent have been heard to echo through the
increasingly empty hospitall halls. The complaint? "Not enough time spent
in the lab! Far too much lollygagging! What is it with the students of
today? Idle hands..." Evidently, it's time to clear the air and separate
the studious from the slackers. For this reason, a convenient diagnostic
test has been supplied to help you objectively ascertain the amount of time
that a student has spent in the lab lately. (Don't worry, the test won't
take up too much of your students' lab time.)
1. In the fish section of St. Lawrence market, your first thought is: a)
Why don't I buy fish for a change? b) I should bolster my eicosanoid
levels with some tasty fish eyes! c) I smell TEMED.
2. You associate the logo for CAA with: a) The Canadian Automobile
Association. b) The sound made by a crow. c) Glutamine.
3. You have the kind of skin that: a) Tans easily. b) Burns when exposed
to the sun the first few times. c) Makes Casper look healthy.
4. When you go to the pet store, do you: a) Google your eyes at the
adorable puppy dogs. b) Complain loudly about the effect that this visit
will have on your allergies. c) Contemplate the potential experiments that
could be performed.
5. Your first reaction to a hockey puck rocketed into your direction is:
a) Block the shot. b) Protect the jewels. c) Think to yourself, "Gee,
this must be what a piece of DNA feels like when it's about to be bombarded
by free radical generated by oxidized iron - OUCH!"
6. When you go to Disneyland, do you: a) Re-experience the wonder of
childhood. b) Try hard not to think about the lab time you're missing. c)
Suffer from intense mouse tail flashback and end up sobbing your apologies
to Mickey.
7. At the dinner table, are you: a) A polite and pleasant dinner
companion. b) A focussed eater who refuses to sully good foot with
conversation. c) An occasional sculptor of mashed potato into frenzied
helical twists and beta slashes with the hopes that your enlightened
audience will be able to pick out the SH2 domain that you see so clearly.
8. You think that the Rubix cube was: a) A fun fad while it lasted. b)
Easy to solve once you worked on it obsessively for two weeks. c) A highly
under-rated visual aid for introducing your three year old to the wonders
of crystal packing. (They're never too youg for Bragg!)
9. In the upcoming provincial election, you plan to vote for: a) The
candidate who best matches your political standards. b) The candidate who
you believe will do the least amount of damage to the province in the next
four years. c) There's an election???
10. You think that roller blading is: a) A pleasurable form of exercise.
b) A hellion's form of fun that should be banned from all public places and
consigned to the same areas where smokers are now kept. c) An excellant
way to increase your productivity in the lab.
How did you do? Scoring sceme: c=0, b=1, a=2
Score Classification Lab Time Evaluation
0-5 GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! The laws of physics would have to
GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! be broken before you could spend
You are *such* a geek! more time in the lab.
6-14 Weird Science-type Reasonable amount of time in the lab.
15-20 Normal civilian Not a graduate student.
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GEEK TEST
1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your
preferred sex. Do you:
A. Openly Ogle
B. Act Non-Chalant
C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!"
D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned
executive relief.
2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star
sign. You:
A. Tell them to bugger off
B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off.
C. I don't go to parties.
D. I don't get invited to parties.
3. You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-register in a
large department store. The register gives a >beep< and stops
dead. You:
A. Wait patiently
B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby carriage
and call the store detective (to while away the time)
C. Break out your ever-present C64 notebook and try to debug the thing
D. I don't know
4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the chemist
runs
up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt. You:
A. What's a prescription database?
B. What's a 386?
C. What's personal hygenie?
D. What was the question again?
5. A friend wants to borrow a record off you. You
A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang.
B. Tell them to go buy it.
C. Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned
D. Sell it to them for a beer.
6. You'd most like to meet:
A. The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo"
B. The person who wrote "War and Peace"
C. The person who wrote MSDOS
D. A person who can write
7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got one minute
to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can. You start:
A. In the Liquor Section
B. In the Confectionary Lane
C. At the Pencil Bar
D. At the cash register
8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The
thing you remember most vividly is:
A. Your Mother's voice as a child
B. Your first Love
C. The Ascii table.
D. The tire pressure was maybe a little too high
9. You get to compete on blind date. You have one statement to change the
choosers mind about you. You say:
A. I've got a 12 inch tounge
B. I can go all night
C. I'VE GOT A 386SX with 64K Ram Cache
D. I've killed 5 people
10. You feel naked without your:
A. Electric Guitar
B. Wallet
C. VT100 reference guide
D. Axe
11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can save
them if you say the right thing. You say:
A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it?
B. I feel you just need someone to talk to
C. Want to come and play on my C64?
D. I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . . Oh, I see you did...
12. You told your best friend the first time you:
A. Had Sex
B. Had Oral Sex
C. Got a Ram expansion
D. Killed a cat.
13. No-one understands you like:
A. Your Mother
B. Your Father
C. Your PC
D. Your Parole Officer
14. For your 18th birthday you wanted:
A. A Car
B. A Shaver
C. A C64 Cassette Drive
D. Some Piano Wire, and the Neighbours Cat
Scoring Mostly A's: You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort
of person who'll justy fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and
having a good time. Shame on you!
Mostly B's: You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in
any case. You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above.
Mostly C's: Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of
horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72. You
can be the person that gets beat up all the time.
Mostly D's: So you're a socipath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad
person. Just keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine
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Are you STILL a computer geek?
Ok, so you lucked out last time - you were about as socially adjusted as a
onion and jelly sandwhich, BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE CHANGED! You may not be a
computer geek any more! It's possible!!! (Not probable, but possible) Test
yourself now!
1. It's a stag party for one of your friends. You and the rest of your
friends all put money in for:
a. A set of driving mirrors
b. A stripper
c. A stripper with a set of driving mirrors
d. A VGA screen so he can check out alt.sex.pictures.of.girlies
2. You want to improve your social life. You
a. Ask people to go out with you.
b. Join a club to meet new people
c. Drink yourself unconcious and forget about it.
d. What's a social life?
3. You ideal partner would have:
a. Looks
b. Intelligence
c. Money
d. A 1.2 Gig Hard Drive, Twin floppies + SVGA screen, and 5 Meg Memory
4. You have the most horrific nightmare of your life. It involves:
a. You driving off a cliff
b. You showing up somewhere with no clothes on
c. A hungry alsation, your private parts and some tomato sauce.
d. A tax on pocket protectors and thick glasses
5. You're on blind date. The question you would ask is:
a. "Name the weirdest place you ever kissed someone"
b. "Name the weirdest place you ever made love"
c. "Name the weirdest place you ever played soggy biscuit"
d. "Name the weirdest place you ever booted MSDOS 4"
6. Your role model is:
a. Rudolf Steiner
b. Mother Theresa
c. Charlie Manson
d. R2D2
7. Your favourite fashion accessory is:
a. Winklepickers
b. Collar Studs
c. An axe
d. What's fashion?
8. If you had your life to live again, would you:
a. Make no changes
b. Make a few changes
c. Make a lot of changes
d. Upgrade to SVGA
9. Your favourite pickup line is:
a. "I've just won the lottery"
b. "Has anyone seen the keys to my Porsche?"
c. "$hit, I'm pissed"
d. "I'm superuser at work.."
10. During sexual climax, you think of:
a. Your partner
b. Your partner's body
c. Yourself
d. The 487 co-processor at 52 Meg
Scoring You don't really need the score card do you? Mostly A's or B's
means you're the normal run-of-the-mill, 90212 (the house next door) walk
alike, talk alike that gives us real jerks a bad name; C's mean you're a..
Well, frankly, I don't know what you are, but it's probably treatable with
large amounts of voltage, and D's of course means that you've got a
fantastic career stretched out in front of you as far as your nose can see.
Happy camping.
engineering
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From: ibrahim#NoSpam.leland.stanford.edu (Nabeel Robert Ibrahim)
Electrical Engineering Purity Test, Version 1.0
(c)1994 Nabeel Ibrahim
You may distribute this freely, but please leave the headers intact.
This test consists of 50 yes/no questions to test your Electrical
Engineering Purity. You score 1 point for each "Yes" and 0 points
for each "No," except where noted.
____110001
\
Total Score = > your score for question k
/___
k=0
(that's a summation symbol)
MAIL ANY COMMENTS/SUGGESTIONS TO: ibrahim#NoSpam.leland.stanford.edu
0 Have you ever discharged a capacitor?
1 Done 0 twice in one day?
10 Done 0 with your tongue?
11 Have you ever doped silicon?
100 Done 11 with someone else?
101 Done 11 with two or more people?
110 Done 11 with someone without knowing their name?
111 Have you ever tweaked a resistor? (oh, that's so sexy...)
1000 Have you ever blown up an electrolytic capacitor?
1001 Done 1000 while an animal watched?
1010 Have you ever fondled a 10K resistor?
1011 Have you ever derived an equation?
1100 Done 1011 with a member of the opposite sex?
1101 Have you ever worn a pocket protector?
1110 Have you ever checked your email more than 10 times in one day?
1111 Done 1110 for one week straight?
10000 Have you ever made a joke about transistors?
10001 Have you ever laughed at a joke about transistors? (this
one is worth 3 points)
10010 Have you ever wondered how the circuitry would work in
that liquid metal guy in T2?
10011 Have you ever used Ohm's Law to excess?
10100 Done 10011 while someone of the opposite sex watched?
10101 Done 10011 with a large ungulate (hooved animal)?
10110 (Guys only) Have you ever counted the number of females
in one of your EE classes so you could gain sympathy from
friends in Liberal Arts?
10111 Do you speak in assembly?
11000 Has your skin color changed as a result of spending too much
time in front of a terminal? (That green tone really works
for me...)
11001 Have you ever had a serious discussion with someone about
whether CISC is better than RISC?
11010 Have you ever used :-) to excess?
11011 Have you ever had to explain :-) to a friend?
11100 Have Fourier, Laplace, or Maxwell ever visited you in a dream?
(This one is worth 20 points. You *should* not, under any
circumstances, fantasize about EE!)
11101 Have you ever read "The Sex Life of an Electron"?
11110 Can you rapidly count to 100d in binary?
11111 Do you have more than 5 computer accounts?
100000 Do you have more than 10 computer accounts? (Geek!)
100001 Have you ever laughed at a Liberal Arts major because they
couldn't find a job? (You should...it's really fun)
100010 Are you addicted to reverse polish(HP) notation?
100011 Have you ever slept with your significant other
(girlfriend/boyfriend) on the floor of a computer lab?
100100 Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you met
through email or a newsgroup?
100101 Have you ever been turned on by a transistor?
100110 Have you ever turned on a transistor?
100111 Have you ever measured ground bounce?
101000 Done 100111 with an inanimate object?
101001 Done 100111 with a cadaver?
101010 Have you ever faked a bias point? (Have you no shame?!?!?)
101011 Have you ever had an intimate encounter with a voltage supply?
101100 Have you ever watched while someone else had an intimate
encounter with a voltage supply?
101101 Have you ever probed a circuit?
101110 Done 101101 with other people watching?
101111 Done 101101 more than five times in one day?
110000 Done 101101 without protection? (You should really wear a
ground strap!)
110001 Did you laugh while taking this quiz? (This one should be
worth 30, but it's only worth 2)
Scoring Scale:
00-15 points ==> Go back to your English class.
15-25 points ==> Either you have a life or you are an underclassman/woman.
25-35 points ==> You can feel your life slipping through your
fingers as you get sucked into the world of Electrical
Engineering. It could be worse...you could be in CS.
35-45 points ==> You should definitely go to grad school in EE.
45-72 points ==> You are a lost cause. You're the EE equivalent of
Carl Sagan. Please do not contact me...ever.
Note: Please send me your score, as I am trying to accumulate enough
data to do a statistical analysis...seriously!!
ibrahim#NoSpam.leland.stanford.edu (Nabeel Ibrahim)
physics biology
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October 15
From: scalzi#NoSpam.cris.com (John Michael Scalzi, II)
SCIENCE QUIZ.
This is a humor column I wrote for the Fresno Bee for 12/10/95. Feel free
to pass it along. If you like it, drop me a line.
Well, the Galileo spacecraft has blown up on Jupiter, and frankly
we couldn't be more excited. At first glance it seems to be a waste to send
a spacecraft several hundred million miles to be blown up on a distant
planet, when we've got any number of 14 year old boys who would happily
blow it up here on earth for free. But that's sort of missing the
point. That space craft didn't blow up just for fun (though it probably
*was* fun); it blew up in the service of science.
But it's the fate of science to be misunderstood. Most people took
science in high school but didn't pay attention, due to a sneaking
suspicion that if they did, they'd end up having to teach science to people
just like them. For better or worse, most people's understanding of science
is limited to what they learn off of the "X-Files" and occassional
"Nightline" appearances by Carl Sagan.
Wait a minute, you say. You can learn a *lot* from that Sagan
guy. Well, yes, you can. But can you learn *enough*? To test this, I've
created this quick science quiz, just a few questions on some basic
scientific ideas. Grab that pencil, haul your thinking cap out of the
attic, and try your hand at these babies. No fair looking at someone else's
paper.
1. The Galileo Spacecraft was named after Galileo Galilei.
Galileo Galilei was:
A) The Italian astronomer who discovered Jupiter's moons
B) A notorious mob boss, who was the basis for Don Corleone in "The Godfather"
C) The nice green grocer down the street from NASA headquarters
D) Dean Martin's real name.
2. The First Law of Thermodynamics states:
A) "If you leave the top off the Thermos, your coffee gets cold."
B) "Energy is neither created nor destroyed."
C) "Entropy is what happens when you just don't care."
D) "Use an electron, go to jail."
3. What do Albert Einstein, Erwin Schrodinger and Werner Heisenberg have in
common?
A) They are all Leos
B) They were the backbone of the 1905 University of Chicago defensive line
C) They are notable physicists
D) At one time, each of them played guitar for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
4. Fossils are:
A) What you call the Rolling Stones if you are under the age of 25
B) Technically eligible for AARP benefits
C) God's inside joke
D) Mineralized remains of prehistoric life.
5. Which of these accurately describes a "black hole":
A) Any job requiring the use of the phrase "Today's special is..."
B) Your credit card bill
C) A collapsed star with a gravitational field so strong that light cannot
escape
D) Any of the last three seasons of "Saturday Night Live."
6. Define "Medulla Oblongata":
A) A lesser-known opera of Guiseppe Verdi
B) A part of the brain situated near the spinal cord
C) The forbidden dance of love
D) What Freddie Mercury sings in "Bohemian Rhapsody."
7. Define "quark":
A) A sub-atomic particle
B) What ducks say at a nuclear reactor
C) Slang for flatulence
D) What you call that ooky stuff that covers a canned ham.
8. Which four names below are the names of the major Jovian moons?
A) Ciera, Achieva, Integra, Lumina
B) Fuschia, Magenta, Sienna, Taupe
C) Groucho, Harpo, Zeppo, Chico
D) Io, Callisto, Europa, Ganymede
The answers: 1:A 2:B 3:C 4:D 5:C 6:B 7:A 8:D.
Miss any of these, and *boy,* are you dumb. Which is why someone
else is having all the fun, blowing up space probes. Think about it.
next:9.6 Murphy's law | Index | Comments and Contributions
Member of the Science Humor Net Ring
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