Index | Comments and Contributions | previous:7.2 compare scientists (using lions, elephants, primes etc.)
physics chemistry biology
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From: mattie#NoSpam.aloha.net (melany chapint), NancyTorok <ntorok#NoSpam.198.4.75.45> Here are some interesting interpretations of nature from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students(!) around the world. Here are some school childrens interpretations of science & school I found on the net: (From _Popular Science_ by way of an Ann Landers column) - When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire. - H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water - To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. - When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide - Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. - Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. - Blood flows down one leg and up the other. - Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. - The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. - Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. - Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. - A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. - Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. - The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u. - The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. - The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. - The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch the meat to. - A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors. - The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. - A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. - Equator: A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. - Germinate: To become a naturalized German. - Liter: A nest of young puppies. - Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. - Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. - Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky. - Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot. - Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives. - Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. - To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. - For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops. - For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration. - For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor. - For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it. - For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. - For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat. - To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow. - Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
mathematics physics chemistry biology
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From: adam#NoSpam.crl.com (Stuart A. Bronstein) The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. Talc is found on rocks and on babies. The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand. While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating. Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction. South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage. Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime. Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south. A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever. There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days. Lime is a green-tasting rock. Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up. In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's. Clouds are high flying fogs. I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing. Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do. Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. Rain is saved up in cloud banks. In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man. A blizzard is when it snows sideways. A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size. A monsoon is a French gentleman. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. The wind is like the air, only pushier.
mathematics physics chemistry biology
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From: dirt#NoSpam.pl.com (dirt) "Scientists are hypothetical people," wrote a student in chemistry. The following student comments were gleaned from essays, examinations and classroom discussions. These beguiling theories are in no way hypothetical. They are all real and attest to the high level of scientific literacy in our nation: * All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms. * Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity. * The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. * Galileo showed that the earth was round and not vice versa. He dropped his balls to prove gravity. * Mare Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France. * Men are mammals and women are femammals. * Proteins are composed of a mean old acid. * The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them. * Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones. * Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows. * The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom. * Water is melted steam. * A monkey has a reprehensible tail. * Some people say we condescended from the apes. * The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its body. Those who catch soars get leprosy. * A cuckoo does not lay its own eggs. * To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out and put the cork in, quick before the air can get back in. * The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, the tooth cavity and the abominable cavity. * Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy. * The cause of dew is through the earth revolving on its own axis and perspiring freely. * Hot lather comes from volcanoes, when it cools it turns into rocks. * The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours. * Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them. * Algebra was the wife of Euclid. * A circle is a figure with o corners and only one side. * A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight. * An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat. * The hydra gets its food by descending upon its prey and pushing it into its mouth with its testicles. * If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence. * When oxygen is combined with anything, heat is given off. This is known as constipation. * The hookworm larva enters the body through the soul. * As the rain forests in the Amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians. * A major discovery was made by Mary Leaky, who found a circle of rocks that broke wind.
mathematics physics biology
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From: brent#NoSpam.questar.QUESTAR.MN.ORG (Brent Nordquist) Forwarded from a friend who's doing student teaching this semester... these are actual quotes taken from junior high students science tests.... [Curiously enough there was an overlap with the above lists] * The dodo is a bird that is nearly decent now. * A thermometer is an instrument for raising temperance. * Geometry teaches us to bisex angels.
mathematics physics biology
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From: Snot Eather ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A. (Who said the American education system is below par?) [Curiously enough there was an overlap with the above lists] Special Category: Charles Darwin * Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. * Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. * The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. * To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium. * Geometry teaches us to bisex angles. * A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending. * We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks. * English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse. * By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep. * If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence. * Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. * Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident. * A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. * A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. * A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter. * When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. * It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind. * Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions. * For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. * For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock. * Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles. * When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
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From: "pmurG" <pmurG.#NoSpam.pmurG.Com>
SCIENCE IN A NUTSHELL - 5th and 6th graders
A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the
population.
A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it
through an aviator.
The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.
It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top
and plural at the bottom.
mathematics physics
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From: "Hot" The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
biology
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From: "Dr. Michele Arduengo" <pma001#NoSpam.alpha.morningside.edu> Here are some student writings that give one pause. From a microbiology test: Question: HIV infects CD4 positive cells. Briefly describe the immunological consequences of such an infection Student Answer: HIV infects CD4+ cells which are the helper T cells of the immune system. This can be very fatal…… From a student paper on Schizophrenia: "Another hypothesis, also in the frontal cortex, is that abnormalities in glutamate receptors may be associated with schizophrenia."
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From: "Mark Kettlewell" <Mark.Kettlewell#NoSpam.tesco.net> One of my GCSE students (UK, age 16) writing about the blast furnace (bless his cotton socks): "The slag floats on the iron because they have different dentists"
physics engineering biology
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From: "dcoble" <dcoble#NoSpam.gateway.net>
SCIENTIFIC INFORMATION
Several recent studies have reported that Americans simply aren't
learning much science in school. That doesn't particularly bother me,
because I know they *are* getting lots of good, reliable scientific
information from a number of places. Like television, "Newsweek", the
"National Enquirer", cereal boxes, their hairdressers, and so forth. So
who says science isn't getting across to the public? Here's some things
people recently have told me they know about science.
The greenhouse effect is here and is already melting the polar icecap.
By next year, palm trees will be growing in Canada, beach boys will be
hanging ten off the coast of Nevada, and Cleveland, of all places, will
suddenly become a nice place to live.
There are only three California gray whales left in existence, and
they somehow got caught in an ice hole in Alaska. Only a huge
investment of time, money, and media coverage kept the species from
becoming extinct.
Geraldo Rivera is the frightening result of a genetic engineering
project gone awry.
There's a hole in the ozone layer approximately the size of Roseanne
Barr that was caused by hairspray. It's how UFO's get to Earth.
A brand-new radioactive gas has been found in basements. It's called
radon and it causes cancer in a matter of weeks and worse, plays hell
with resale values.
Isaac Newton plays lead guitar for Guns 'n Roses (this from a high
school student).
The Japanese and French are building incredibly fast levitating
trains that have really super conductors on them.
All scientists cheat on their data, on their spouses, and on their
income taxes. Only Congress - whose members never cheat on their data,
their spouses, or their taxes - can put a stop to all this.
biology
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Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.
biology
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Answer on a college level, freshman biology exam:
"gonads: a tribe of wandering desert people."
mathematics physics chemistry
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From: Ron Gerards (On the Science Jokes mailing list: http://www.egroups.com/group/sciencejokes From 'The Best Howlers' collected by Cecil Hunt [3rd ed. 1957; Ernest Benn Ltd. 3/- (15p)]. OK these are old jokes, I admit. Gravity tells us why an apple doesn't go to heaven. A parallel straight line is one that, when produced to meet itself, does not meet. To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out and put the cork in quick. A vacuum is an empty space where the Pope lives. Atomic weights are used for weighing atoms. Ammonium chloride is also called silly maniac. Water may be made hard by freezing and the hardness removed by boiling it. If the air contains more than 100% carbolic acid, it is very injurious to health. Water freezes at a higher temperature on the Fahrenheit scale than on the Centigrade. At 180C, sulphur is vicious. Oxygen can be prepared by heating potassium chocolate. A theorem - derived from theos [a god] and res [a thing] - is a problem needing divine intelligence. A magnetic force is a straight line, generally a curved one, which would tend to point to where the North Pole comes. Lack of vitamins gives rise to crickets. An alkali is a chemical substance without water in it, such as whisky. Chalk and sand can always be separated by flirtation. Saturated is a term used for gentlemen who are full up. Gravity is a law holding things up, but nowadays we use elastic. The liver is an infernal organ. Algebra is the wife of Euclid. A ruminating animal is one that chews its cubs. Mass is when you buy a sack of potatoes and weight is when you carry it home. A pence plus B pence equals expense.Volcanoes are ordinary mountains except they omit palaver frequently.
physics
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From: T४nu Laas <tony#NoSpam.tpu.ee> I send you some sayings (various definitions and laws) from finishing exams of high school students. Second law of thermodynamics. - The energy of Universe is constant. - Heat which separates is proportional with product of time, force, which is needed, and square of velocity. - Thermodynamics is a thermal phenomenon. - Thermodynamics is heat, which separates while doing work. Newton's second law - The force is proportional with mass which affects and inverse proportional with it's own mass. - The force is proportional with mass which affects and inverse proportional with a square of mass (m^2). - Two bodies with the same charge can't be friends because they have always problems conserving the charges. Work in mechanics. - The mechanizing and repairing the mechanics is called a work. - Work in mechanics is this, if the work is made mechanically. It means, work is made by machine. - Work in mechanics is that, if a body makes work and this work is useful for us. - Time which is spent in one minute with the same routine moving, is called work. - In mechanics the work is the hard or not so hard physical or material work. For example, it is needed some kind of hard body to move from one place to another. For example to the height of one meter. Mechanics will help us and makes the work. Bohr's postulates - Electricity does not move by circle, but by ellips. - In the stacionary postulate the electrons don't radiate, the determined energy levels do rule. -1. A meteorite is celestial body which has entered into interstellar space. 2. All celestial bodies do radiate photons which are flow of particles. 3. All the planets have the determined stationary state, in which they are. - All in this nature is in one's own way radiactive. - Bohr made the experiments with postulates on hydrogen. - All the bodies are not in the same orbits, so there we might meet with application of various laws. - The postulate does not affect other bodies and will always be in its own orbit. - In the stationary state the postulate does not radiate.
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From: "rhrjg_co_uk" <ron#NoSpam.gerard.as> And some other schoolboy howlers from a 1928 book. . . Isosceles triangles are used on maps to join up places that have the same weather. A triangle with equal sides is called equatorial. A magnetic force is a straight line, generally a curved one, which would tend to point to where the North Pole comes. A magnet is a thing you find in a bad apple. but my favourite is: Ammonium chloride is also called silly maniac.
biology
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From: "Alison Siragusa" <alison#NoSpam.nycap.rr.com> I asked a group of high school bio students what they thought the evolutionary advantage of mammary glands might be. One student raised her hand and replied- "then you don't have to have a good personality."
physics
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From: jonathan#NoSpam.zeta.org.au (Jonathan Jermey) This is from a Project Gutenberg Etext of 'Literary Blunders', by Henry Wheatley. I thought that this section in particular deserved a wider audience. ACOUSTICS, LIGHT AND HEAT PAPER (1880) Science and Art Department. The following are specimens of answers given by candidates at recent examinations in Acoustics, Light and Heat, held in connection with the Science and Art Department, South Kensington. The answers have not of course all been selected from the same paper, neither have they all been chosen for the same reason. Question I.--State the relations existing between the pressure, temperature, and density of a given gas. How is it proved that when a gas expands its temperature is diminished? Answer.--Now the answer to the first part of this question is, that the square root of the pressure increases, the square root of the density decreases, and the absolute temperature remains about the same; but as to the last part of the question about a gas expanding when its temperature is diminished, I expect I am intended to say I don't believe a word of it, for a bladder in front of a fire expands, but its temperature is not at all diminished. Question 2.--If you walk on a dry path between two walls a few feet apart, you hear a musical note or ``ring'' at each footstep. Whence comes this? Answer.--This is similar to phosphorescent paint. Once any sound gets between two parallel reflectors or walls, it bounds from one to the other and never stops for a long time. Hence it is persistent, and when you walk between the walls you hear the sounds made by those who walked there before you. By following a muffin man down the passage within a short time you can hear most distinctly a musical note, or, as it is more properly termed in the question, a ``ring'' at every (other) step. Question 3.--What is the reason that the hammers which strike the strings of a pianoforte are made not to strike the middle of the strings? Why are the bass strings loaded with coils of wire? Answer.--Because the tint of the clang would be bad. Because to jockey them heavily. Question 4.--Explain how to determine the time of vibration of a given tuning-fork, and state what apparatus you would require for the purpose. Answer.--For this determination I should require an accurate watch beating seconds, and a sensitive ear. I mount the fork on a suitable stand, and then, as the second hand of my watch passes the figure 60 on the dial, I draw the bow neatly across one of its prongs. I wait. I listen intently. The throbbing air particles are receiving the pulsations; the beating prongs are giving up their original force; and slowly yet surely the sound dies away. Still I can hear it, but faintly and with close attention; and now only by pressing the bones of my head against its prongs. Finally the last trace disappears. I look at the time and leave the room, having determined the time of vibration of the common ``pitch'' fork. This process deteriorates the fork considerably, hence a different operation must be performed on a fork which is only lent. Question 6.--What is the difference between a ``real'' and a ``virtual'' image? Give a drawing showing the formation of one of each kind. Answer.--You see a real image every morning when you shave. You do not see virtual images at all. The only people who see virtual images are those people who are not quite right, like Mrs. A. Virtual images are things which don't exist. I can't give you a reliable drawing of a virtual image, because I never saw one. Question 8.--How would you disprove, experimentally, the assertion that white light passing through a piece of coloured glass acquires colour from the glass? What is it that really happens? Answer.--To disprove the assertion (so repeatedly made) that ``white light passing through a piece of coloured glass acquires colour from the glass,'' I would ask the gentleman to observe that the glass has just as much colour after the light has gone through it as it had before. That is what would really happen. Question 11.--Explain why, in order to cook food by boiling, at the top of a high mountain, you must employ a different method from that used at the sea level. Answer.--It is easy to cook food at the sea level by boiling it, but once you get above the sea level the only plan is to fry it in its own fat. It is, in fact, impossible to boil water above the sea level by any amount of heat. A different method, therefore, would have to be employed to boil food at the top of a high mountain, but what that method is has not yet been discovered. The future may reveal it to a daring experimentalist. Question 12.--State what are the conditions favourable for the formation of dew. Describe an instrument for determining the dew point, and the method of using it. Answer.--This is easily proved from question 1. A body of gas as it ascendsexpands, cools, and deposits moisture; so if you walk up a hill the body of gas inside you expands, gives its heat to you, and deposits its moisture in the form of dew or common sweat. Hence these are the favourable conditions; and moreover it explains why you get warm by ascending a hill, in opposition to the well-known law of the Conservation of Energy. Question 13.--On freezing water in a glass tube, the tube sometimes breaks. Why is this? An iceberg floats with 1,000,000 tons of ice above the water line. About how many tons are below the water line? Answer.--The water breaks the tube because of capallarity. The iceberg floats on the top because it is lighter, hence no tons are below the water line. Another reason is that an iceberg cannot exceed 1,000,000 tons in weight: hence if this much is above water, none is below. Ice is exceptional to all other bodies except bismuth. All other bodies have 1090 feet below the surface and 2 feet extra for every degree centigrade. If it were not for this, all fish would die, and the earth be held in an iron grip. P.S.--When I say 1090 feet, I mean 1090 feet per second. Question 14.--If you were to pour a pound of molten lead and a pound of molten iron, each at the temperature of its melting point, upon two blocks of ice, which would melt the most ice, and why? Answer.--This question relates to diathermancy. Iron is said to be a diathermanous body (from _dia_, through, and _thermo_, I heat), meaning that it gets heated through and through, and accordingly contains a large quantity of real heat. Lead is said to be an athermanous body (from _a_, privative, and _thermo_, I heat), meaning that it gets heated secretly or in a latent manner. Hence the answer to this question depends on which will get the best of it, the real heat of the iron or the latent heat of the lead. Probably the iron will smite furthest into the ice, as molten iron is white and glowing, while melted lead is dull. Question 21.--A hollow indiarubber ball full of air is suspended on one arm of a balance and weighed in air. The whole is then covered by the receiver of an air pump. Explain what will happen as the air in the receiver is exhausted. Answer.--The ball would expand and entirely fill the vessell, driving out all before it. The balance being of greater density than the rest would be the last to go, but in the end its inertia would be overcome and all would be expelled, and there would be a perfect vacuum. The ball would then burst, but you would not be aware of the fact on account of the loudness of a sound varying with the density of the place in which it is generated, and not on that in which it is heard. Question 27.--Account for the delicate shades of colour sometimes seen on the inside of an oyster shell. State and explain the appearance presented when a beam of light falls upon a sheet of glass on which very fine equi-distant parallel lines have been scratched very close to one another. Answer.--The delicate shades are due to putrefaction; the colours always show best when the oyster has been a bad one. Hence they are considered a defect and are called chromatic aberration. The scratches on the glass will arrange themselves in rings round the light, as any one may see at night in a tram car. Question 29.--Show how the hypothenuse face of a right-angled prism may be used as a reflector. What connection is there between the refractive index of a medium and the angle at which an emergent ray is totally reflected? Answer.--Any face of any prism may be used as a reflector. The connexion between the refractive index of a medium and the angle at which an emergent ray does not emerge but is totally reflected is remarkable and not generally known. Question 32.--Why do the inhabitants of cold climates eat fat? How would you find experimentally the relative quantities of heat given off when equal weights of sulphur, phosphorus, and carbon are thoroughly burned? Answer.--An inhabitant of cold climates (called Frigid Zoans) eats fat principally because he can't get no lean, also because he wants to rise is temperature. But if equal weights of sulphur phosphorus and carbon are burned in his neighbourhood he will give off eating quite so much. The relative quantities of eat given off will depend upon how much sulphur etc. is burnt and how near it is burned to him. If I knew these facts it would be an easy sum to find the answer. 1881. Question 1.--Sound is said to travel about four times as fast in water as in air. How has this been proved? State your reasons for thinking whether sound travels faster or slower in oil than in water. Answer(_a_).--Mr. Colladon, a gentleman who happened to have a boat, wrote to a friend called Mr. Sturm to borrow another boat and row out on the other side of the lake, first providing himself with a large ear-trumpet. Mr. Colladon took a large bell weighing some tons which he put under water and hit furiously. Every time he hit the bell he lit a fusee, and Mr. Sturm looked at his watch. In this way it was found out as in the question. It was also done by Mr. Byott who sang at one end of the water pipes of Paris, and a friend at the other end (on whom he could rely) heard the song as if it were a chorus, part coming through the water and part through the air. (_b_) This is done by one person going into a hall (? a well) and making a noise, and another person stays outside and listens where the sound comes from. When Miss Beckwith saves life from drowning, her brother makes a noise under water, and she hearing the sound some time after can calculate where he is and dives for him; and what Miss Beckwith can do under water, of course a mathematician can do on dry land. Hence this is how it is done. If oil is poured on the water it checks the sound-waves and puts you out. Question 2.--What would happen if two sound-waves exactly alike were to meet one another in the open air, moving in opposite directions? Answer.--If the sound-waves which meet in the open air had not come from the same source they would not recognise each others existence, but if they had they would embrace and mutually hold fast, in other words, interfere with and destroy each other. Question 9.--Describe any way in which the velocity of light has been measured. Answer (_a_).--A distinguished but Heathen philosopher, Homer, was the first to discover this. He was standing one day at one side of the earth looking at Jupiter when he conjectured that he would take 16 minutes to get to the other side. This conjecture he then verified by careful experiment. Now the whole way across the earth is 3,072,000 miles, and dividing this by 16 we get the velocity 192,000 miles a second. This is so great that it would take an express train 40 years to do it, and the bullet from a canon over 5000 years. P.S.--I think the gentlemans name was Romer not Homer, but anyway he was 20% wrong and Mr. Fahrenheit and Mr. Celsius afterwards made more careful determinations. (_b_) An Atheistic Scientist (falsely so called) tried experiments on the Satellites of Jupiter. He found that he could delay the eclipse 16 minutes by going to the other side of the earths orbit; in fact he found he could make the eclipse happen when he liked by simply shifting his position. Finding that credit was given him for determining the velocity of light by this means he repeated it so often that the calendar began to get seriously wrong and there were riots, and Pope Gregory had to set things right. Question 10.--Explain why water pipes burst in cold weather. Answer.--People who have not studied Acoustics think that Thor bursts the pipes, but we know that it is nothing of the kind for Professor Tyndall has burst the mythologies and has taught us that it is the natural behaviour of water (and bismuth) without which all fish would die and the earth be held in an iron grip.
physics biology
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From: "Rowland Croucher" These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
biology
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From: Renan <renan.birck#NoSpam.gmail.com> Another one that was told to me by a teacher: This one appeared in a biology test, specifically about ecology: "The greenhouse effect happens when it warms up. Therefore, when it warms up it is because of the greenhouse effect. Example: when it warms up, it is the greenhouse effect."
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From: "Renan" <renan.birck#NoSpam.gmail.com> Quotes, both scientific and non-scientific, with comments from teachers, from admission tests in Brazilian universities: "Lavoisier died because he created the oxygen." "The optical nerve transmits bright ideas." "The wind is a large amount of air." "Earthquakes are a small movement of wasted land." (I think that the homeless people will hate this) "The ancient Egyptians developed the mortuary art so the dead could live better." "The main problem of the Third World is the super excess of needs." "Petroleum appeared many years ago, when fish drowned in water." "Survival of a live abortion" (title on a text) "The main function of the root is to dig up." "The sun gives us light, heat and tourists." "The calorie is measures the heat in time." "The SI unit of power is the New Tom, which means the power that must be done on the time." "The human heart is the only organ which doesn't stop working 24 hours a day." (Or it does?) "Insomnia consists in reverse sleeping." (So, death must be not sleeping) "The Gothic art is well-known for building buildings." "Chile is a very tall and thin country." "The main problem of the Amazon River is the fishing of the fishes." (Don't tell me...) "Hermaphrodites are born by body." "Faith is a grace, with which we can see what we can't see." "Atheism is an anonymous religion." "We need to remove the blanks from our eyes to see clearly the number of the hungers." (Remove the blanks from your BRAIN, that is!) "We also care about the progressive regression of violence statistics." (This one knows his statistics) "The illiterate have never had a chance to return to the school." "The good life of the people is not dependent on religion, field, sex or plant." "And where is the president [of Brazil]? Certainly, he is sitting in his chair, smoking weed and talking with the President of the U.S." "Between the Native American populations, the most known ones are the Mayans, the Incas and the Asteroids." (Yes, they came from space) "On the beginning Indians were very late but with time they were hardening." (Beware!) "Brazil is a country very watery by rain." "Ocean is where the Sun is born. Where it is born it is nascent and where it sets it is the decent." (Yes, the Sun is down in the sea) "On Central America there are countries like the Mini Can Republic." "The Earth is one of the most-known planets in Universe." "The main cities of North America are Argentina and the USA." "Communication matters because it help us communicate." (Don't tell me) "(...) with regards to the public opinion, we can say it is variable. E.g. upon giving birth the woman can ask for an abortion." (No clue) "TV influences our lives. How many times we bought a product because we saw it on TV? The programs should be more growing." (I don't know how to make the programs grow) "The business and the customers walk together, here including printers." (OK, I will walk with your business) "The radio/TV professional has a big market for work, because all communication is on Earth." (Do you forgot the aliens?) "Feedback is information which comes from behind." (OUCH! THAT HURTS!) "The main methods used by communication are eye, mouth and hand." (If I poke a finger of my hand on your eye, your mouth screams. Makes sense.) "500 years ago, nobody died when 2 horses clashed. Today thousands die with car accidents." "I developed a high thinking head." (I think you mean "I think that I developed when high") "And Homo Sapiens continues with his so-called progress: killing, murdering and using soap, only to give a good smell to the bathroom." "We, humans, are moving changers." (I know that you can have CD changers, but they're not moving). "We dream with a better world, since the dinosaur gave place to dog, cat..." "Aminoacids were the first inhabitants of Earth." "This is all due to the VU rays that kill every day." "The Brazilians are ending with all, falling trees to make board and other thing." (I don't know what is the other thing) "The one mankind has mission..." (I don't think that there are 2 mankinds) "It [water contamination] is a highly engraved problem." (Yes, the water engraves the stones) "The TV has a high information degree that enriches us in a poor way, because we become addicted to this communication vehicle." "TV, however, is a thing we consume for our formation, information and deformation." (I see. If you sit in front of TV too much, you get fat) "The TV gives idea to the people that the life is fairy tale and with this products many heads." (Now I care about ads) "The TV, if on, gives images, when it is off, it doesn't." "The TV is a method of communication, education and why not locomotion?" (TV on wheels) "TV is the oxygen that forms on our ideas." (Should be "TV is the oxymoron...") "The TV gives power, bringing day information and why not hours." (If you put your finger in the high-voltage components of the TV, yes. You have power) "TV likes its inter structures..." "With the invention of the compass, sailors could drown in the sea." "Eating is the method of digesting body." "Brazil is the most intense country in America." "Angles are 2 lines which walk and meet." "Water will pass from the liquid state to the physical state." "The movement it movements and makes move."
physics chemistry
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September 6
July 27
Special Category: John Dalton
Atoms are round balls of wood invented by Dr. Dalton.
-- answer given by a pupil, as reported by H.E. Roscoe
next:8. academic life | Index | Comments and Contributions
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