Index | Comments and Contributions | previous:1.14 set theory

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The guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!" So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" And the other guy says; "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."

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A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!" -- at which point the new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x."

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Januari 23
Februari 14

A function and a differentiation operator meet somewhere in Hilbert space. The differentation operator: Make place or I differentiate you.

Function: Forget it buster, I am e^x.

The differentation operator: Well, I am d/dy.

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From: Joe English (jenglish#NoSpam.flightlab.com)

Then there was the crackpot category theoretician
who thought he was a catamorphism operation.
He'd walk around the psych ward with a pair of bananas,
which he'd hold up around the other patients
and giggle maniacally.

Once he did this to the resident hypochondriac
(who was convinced he was in the final stages
of inoperable brain cancer), but it didn't seem
to bother him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm constructing a unique arrow," said the crackpot,
"with YOU as its target!"

"So what's the big deal about that?" said the hypochondriac.
"I'm terminal."

  (Of course, this joke is only funny if the
   mental hospital is Cartesian Closed...)

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From: Jasper Stein <stein#NoSpam.fys.ruu.nl>

A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Then suddenly the constant function sees a differential operator approaching and runs away. so e to-the x follows him and asks why the hurry.

"Well, you see, there's this diff.operator coming this way, and when we meet, he'll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me...!"

"Ah," says e^x, "he won't bother ME, I'm e to-the x!" and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance.

e^x : "Hi, I'm e^x"

diff.op. : "Hi, I'm d/dy"

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First of all let me make it clear that I have nothing against contravariant functors. Some of my best friends are cohomology theories! But now you aren't supposed to call them contravariant anymore. It's Algebraically Correct to call them 'differently arrowed'!!

In the same way that transcendental numbers are polynomially challenged?

Manifolds are personifolds (humanifolds).

Neighborhoods are neighbor victims of society.

It's the Asian Remainder Theorem.

It isn't PC to use "singularity" - the function is "convergently challenged" there.

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If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?

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March 21
May 16
From mrm#NoSpam.ama.caltech.edu Fri Apr 28 07:37:02 1995
 (visual joke)
 Person A) "What is this?" as she rubs her hand over an invisible level
   flat surface
 Person B) "I dunno"
 Person A) "It's the Fourier Transform of this" as she gives him The Finger

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From: Aniko Szabo <aniko.szabo#NoSpam.hci.utah.edu>

"Consider the quartic polynomial 'a x^4 + b x^3 + c x^2 + d x + e', where 'e' is not necessarily the Euler constant"

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From: "david lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>

              The Orwellian, a rejected mathematical operator

The Orwellian lies about the truth value sent to it. For example, I am
typing this message, which is true. The Orwellian of that ststement will
say either I am taking a shower, or I am having lunch, which is false. The
Ortwellian of X is Y2+2Y+1, so it lies about the function. This Orwellian
is similar to the NOT of Logic, but it is more sinister. 

In George Orwell's 1984, the Ministry of Truth always lied.

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From: "david lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>
                           The Hegelian operator

The Hegelian operator constructs a new function from an old one.

The Hegelian takes in a function, the thesis, produces the negation, the
antithesis and uses these two to create a new function, the synthesis.
For example, the Hegelian of x,1,1 takes x, and produces -x. It than takes
both of them and multiplies each of them by 1 to create the absolute value
of x. |x|.
The Hegelian of x^2 could be 3x^2 if X<0 and 5x^2 if x>=0.
The Hegelian has three parameters, which is the function, the multiple of
the first half, and the multiple of the secons half.
For example Hegelian (x,5,2) produces 5x if x<0 and 2x if X>=0

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