Index | Comments and Contributions | previous:8. academic life
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is a great deal of difference.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: Steve Davis <"sdsd#NoSpam.userid"#NoSpam.west.net> Law of invisible phenomena: The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
Special Category: Arthur Eddington
December 28
November 22
From: "Christopher Brown" <cbrown#NoSpam.chem1.chem.dal.ca>
Let us suppose that an ichthyologist is exploring the life of the ocean. He
casts a net into the water and brings up a fishy assortment. Surveying his
catch, he proceeds in the usual manner of a scientist to systematise what
it reveals. He arrives at two generalisations:
(1) No sea-creature is less than two inches long
(2) All sea-creatures have gills.
These are both true of his catch, and he assumes tentatively that they will
remain true however often he repeats it. In applying this analogy, the
catch stands for the body of knowledge which constitutes physical science,
and the net for the sensory and intellectual equipment which we use in
obtaining it. The casting of the net corresponds to observation; for
knowledge which has not been or could not be obtained by observation is not
admitted into physical science. An onlooker may object that the first
generalization is wrong. "There are plenty of sea-creatures under two
inches long, only your net is not adapted to catch them." The icthyologist
dismisses this objection contemptuously. "Anything uncatchable by my net is
ipso facto outside the scope of icthyological knowledge. In short, "what my
net can't catch isn't fish." Or-to translate the analogy - "If you are not
simply guessing, you are claiming a knowledge of the physical universe
discovered in some other way than by the methods of physical science, and
admittedly unverifiable by such methods. You are a metaphysician. Bah!"
~ Arthur Eddington, in The Philosophy of Physical Science, 1958
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
FINAGLE'S LAWS:
1. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
2.1 No matter what result is anticipated, there is always someone willing
to fake it.
2.2 No matter what the result, there is always someone eager to
misinterpret it.
2.3 No matter what happens, there is always someone who believes it
happened according to his pet theory.
3. In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond
all need of checking, is the mistake.
4. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it
worse.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
FINAGLE'S CREED
Science is Truth; don't be misled by facts.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
THE FINAGLE FACTOR
(Sometimes called the SWAG(Scientific Wild-Assed Guess) Constant)
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or
subtracted from the answer which you got, yields the answer you
should have gotten.
[note] Items such as 'Finagle's Constant' and the more subtle 'Bougerre
Factor' are loosely grouped, in mathematics, under constant
variables, or, if you prefer, variable constants.
Finagle's Constant, a multiplier of the zero-order term, may be
characterized as changing the universe to fit the equation.
The Bougerre (pronounced 'bugger') Factor is characterized as changing the
equation to fit the universe. It is also known as the 'Soothing Factor';
mathematically similar to the damping factor, it has the characteristic
of dropping the subject under discussion to zero importance.
A combination of the two, the Diddle Coefficient, is characterized as
changing things so that universe and equation appear to fit without
requiring a change in either.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
FINAGLE'S COROLLARY
On a seasonally adjusted basis, there are only six months in a year.
If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
IGGY'S RULE OF SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES
All scientific discoveries are first recorded on napkins or tablecloths.
Engineering advances are drawn inside matchbook covers. Keep supplies
of them handy at all times.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
RULES OF THE LAB
1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
2. Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way
each time.
3. First draw your curves, then plot your data.
4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
5. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working.
6. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and
derive the question.
9. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle.
10. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
11. Do not believe in miracles---rely on them.
12. Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
13. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use
can be made of it.(Law of Spontaneous Fission)
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
RULE OF ACCURACY
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know
the answer
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
RULE OF FAILURE
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you have tried.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
RULE OF REASON
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
ARNOLD'S LAWS OF DOCUMENTATION
1. If it should exist, it doesn't.
2. If it does exist, it's out of date.
3. Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: Jim Hargrove <hargrove#NoSpam.austin.asc.slb.com> Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good, and when it is bad it's still better than nothing.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF STATISTICAL INFERENCE
1. Thou shalt not hunt statistical inference with a shotgun.
2. Thou shalt not enter the valley of the methods of inference without an
experimental design.
3. Thou shalt not make statistical inference in the absence of a model.
4. Thou shalt honour the assumptions of thy model.
5. Thy shalt not adulterate thy model to obtain significant results.
6. Thy shalt not covet thy colleagues' data.
7. Thy shalt not bear false witness against thy control group.
8. Thou shalt not worship the 0.05 significance level.
9. Thy shalt not apply large sample approximation in vain.
10. Thou shalt not infer causal relationships from statistical
significance.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: c1prasad#NoSpam.watson.ibm.com (prasad) Never replicate a successful experiment -Fett's law. [cf CF]
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: Koos.denOudsten#NoSpam.phil.ruu.nl Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
Special Category: Norbert Wiener
November 26
March 18
Wiener'S LAW OF LIBRARIES
There are no answers, only cross references.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: joeshmoe#NoSpam.world.std.com (Jascha Franklin-Hodge) (List of Taglines) A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. Always draw your curves, then plot the data. An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions. Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
FURTHER HINTS ON WRITE-UPS:
1. In any collection of data, the figures that most closely confirm the
theory are wrong.
2. No one you ask for help will see the mistakes either.
3. Any nagging intruder who stops by with unsought advice will see them
immediately.
4. If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
5. An experiment may be considered successful if no more than half the data
must be discarded to agree with the theory.
6. No experiment is ever a complete failure. It can serve as a bad example.
7. Always leave room, when writing a report, to add an explanation if it
doesn't work (Rule of the Way Out).
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: jac#NoSpam.ds8.scri.fsu.edu (Jim Carr) Raw data is like raw sewage, it requires some processing before it can be spread around. The opposite is true of theories.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
Murphy's law of research: Enough research will tend to support you theory.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
WETHERN'S LAW
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
WYSZOWSKI'S LAWS
1. No experiment is reproducible
2. Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: jejanes#NoSpam.mtu.edu (Jeff E. Janes) I believe there is a scientific method, or at least a method that serves me well. Jeff's scientific method: play with it until-- 1) you break it 2) it breaks you 3) you figure it out 4) your mom/boss/TA/Prof catches you 5) you discover something more interesting to play with.
engineering
[Top of page]
[Bottom of page]
[Index]
[Send comment]
Engg. Research Thumb Rule : When in doubt, fit a curve.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: "Markus Wegmann" <M.Wegmann#NoSpam.mecheng.strath.ac.uk> The actual work done while trying to get a thesis together can be broken down as follows: 85% of the time is spent finding equipment, repairing equipment, or finding somebody to run or repair the equipment for you; 10% of the time is spent designing experiments and collecting data; 5% of the time is spent making the collected data presentable. -Original (based on personal experience.......) From: Vicky Hamilton <hamilton#NoSpam.emma.la.asu.edu> 20% (or less) is the amount of time it would have taken you to do the project if you knew then what you know now.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: spebcg#NoSpam.thor.cf.ac.uk (Beytullah) 51 tips for research work from Loughborough University 1. Dont't panic too often 2. Only write on one side of the paper 3. Be nice to librarians - esp in inter-library loans 4. Remember that your supervisor is a busy person - if he/she isn't, change your supervisor 5. Find out how you work best 6. Read your degree regulations 7. Always have a couple of things you can work on 8. Read some theses from your university in your area 9. Budget for typing and binding 10. Plan ahead 11. Photocopying is not the same as reading 12. Keep planning structures 13. Put your external's books on the bibliography 14. Get a good typist - or buy/use a word processor 15. Don't think it will be perfect... 16. read your supervisor's thesis 17. Be prepared to rewrite your early drafts 18. Write your introduction first; write the reader's last 19. Put conventions on cards for you and your typist 20. Keep full bibliographical details 21.. Have someone comment on your style at an early stage 22. Set yourself short term goals... 23. and if you aren't meeting them, work out why 24. Allow plenty of time for writing up 25. Step back from time to time 26. Overdo footnotes at first, they're easy to take out 27. With each piece of work ask, "Is it worth doing this?" 28. Don't begrudge some time spent reading very widely 29. Find out early on about submission and presentation details 30. Talk to people about it 31. Think of it as a meal ticket 32. Keep writing..and writing..and writing.. 33. Reading one more book won't solve all your problems 34. Buy a book on punctuation 35. Use your research to make contacts 36. Use a card index for references, etc 37. keep a research diary 38. Make sure your bibliography is comprehensive 39. If you set something aside for a while, make notes about how you plan to continue with it 40. Using quotations doesn't make the idea more true 41. and you can usually write it better yourself 42. Don't begrudge time spent thinking 43. Label your diagrams properly 44. Find a typist who has done your sort of work before 45. Don't be afraid to be imaginative 46. Organise an efficient filing system 47. Remember that a thesis needs to have a thesis 48. It is very important to run out of excuses for not writing 49. The world is full of unfinished thesis 50. Remember, purple clashes horribly with lots of colour From: esen#NoSpam.CS.ColoState.EDU (Erol Esen) 51. Don't forget to drink a whole bottle of Tequila when you're done!
chemistry
[Top of page]
[Bottom of page]
[Index]
[Send comment]
From: mcrae#NoSpam.husc.harvard.edu A recent joke in this group reminded of one that my physics professor used to tell: THE CHEMIST'S RULE: Never take more than three data points. There will always be some kind of graph paper on which they fall in a straight line. THE CHEMIST'S RULE, FIRST COROLLARY: If you have only one kind of graph paper, never take more than two data points.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
If a research project is not worth doing at all it is not worth doing properly.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
From: dougk If you know what you're doing, how long it will take, or what it will cost, it isn't research.
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]
June 3 June 13 One way of dealing with errors is to have friends who are willing to spend the time necessary to carry out a critical examination of the experimental design behorehand and the results after the experiments have been completed. An even better way is to have an enemy. An enemy is willing to to devote a vast amount of time and brain power to ferreting out errors both large and small, and this without any compensation. The trouble is that really capable enemies are scarce; most of them are only ordinary. Another trouble with enemies is that they sometimes develop into friends and lose a great deal of their zeal. It was in this way the writer lost his three best enemies. Everyone, not just scientists, needs a good few enemies. -- Georg von B़k़sy (Hungarian-born American physicist and psychologist, 1899-1972), quoted in George A. Olah, "A Life of Magic Chemistry" (2001), 146
next:8.2 rules for writing an article | Index | Comments and Contributions
Member of the Science Humor Net Ring
[
Previous 5 Sites
|
Previous
|
Next
|
Next 5 Sites
]
[
Random Site
|
List Sites
]