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Februari 14

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From: Claudia (claudia#NoSpam.sidj.tiac.net)
by way of Philip Clarke


A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat

So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally died a
whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here.  All the
sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school
riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or
permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills.
Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand?  Into
this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered
before, a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature
with a culture all his own.  In short, a geek.

    Why Geek Dudes Rule

    They are generally available.

    Other women will tend not to steal them.

    They can fix things.

    Your parents will love them.

    They're smart.

Where The Geek Dude Lurks

While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go to
shows too often.  Instead you'll find them hanging out with their friends,
discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill Gates
impressions.  You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite
bands on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows?  Well, geek
dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them,
thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases.  A small, though
convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes.  Try
wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.

Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet.  All
geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace,
carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an
activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very
uncomfortable with, socializing.  To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just
an advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a
lack of players.  Their lack is your strength.


You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the
world works and some particularly strange ideas about women.  There is a
reason for this.  Because they've had limited interpersonal experience,
geek dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models.  Lacking a real world
social milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with such
narratives, and try to model their interactions on them.  Thus, certain
media images and themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized
reality to them, while the rest of us view such programming as mere
entertainment.  Case in point, our next topic...

The Trek factor

If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping
a geek dude.  And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock
either.  You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep Space
Nine, your Babylon 5.  Armed with your own knowledge of Federation
policies, you can better gauge when and how to act.  The sexual politics of
Star Trek are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and
the women are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor).  Note the sexual
tensions on the bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight
uniforms, and with luxuriant, flowing hair.  The men, often balding, and
sporting some sort of permanently attached computer auxiliary.  This world
metaphorizes the fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the
geeky-but-heroic male officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart,
Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who he is.  If
you are willing to accept that this is his starting point for reality, you
are ready for a geek relationship.

Once You've Nabbed Him

Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle.  Keeping him by
your side is another story altogether.  I was privileged to speak with Miss
Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also clever
enough to marry him just a few short months ago.  She interrupted her
newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man:

Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands.  If you can hang with
the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates.  They are the most
attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more
alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed).  Definitely give geeks
a chance.

Geek Cuisine

Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and think
and aren't all that into cooking for themselves.  Make sure that your geek
understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with home
cooked food.  A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that you
love him.  You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however,
remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a

Geek Lifestyle

The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with
him.  He seems permanently connected to his hard disk.  You must at least
appear interested in his work.  Generally, a solid understanding of the
computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be able
to talk the talk.  Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed about
details which appear insignificant.  Be understanding, put on your best
Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.

To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games.  Let him play Myst
or Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for hours if he wants to.  Act concerned if
he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs.  My geek loves to try
to help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in Myst.  He
comes up with clever riddles instead of directing them point blank.  Geeks
also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies, again, a basically
harmless vent for your man.

Geek Buddies

Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer to
as RL (Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that is
sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights").  The greatest
thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them
up with your girlfriends.  They may feel awkward around females at first,
so don't overwhelm them.  In time they will come out of their shell and
realize that you are into the same things they are.

Post-It Note

I thank Victoria for the above advice.  I must say that when she read my
draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband which
one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly.  Howard, the devil,
immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually most
like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem who
is always had trouble (this is fairly apt).  This exchange is interesting
for several reasons:

    Howard had already thought about who she was most like.

    He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.

    Victoria actually knew who he meant.

    Folks, I think this marriage will last.

One Last Thing

Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have
gone underground.  You may actually know some and just haven't noticed
them.  They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to
realize this as you grow closer to them.  Don't ever try to force the
issue, or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you.
Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new
interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.

Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual puzzles.
Don't you consider yourself one?  Wouldn't you like a little intellectual
stimulation or your own?  We thought so.

You can find out more about how the handle Geeks in the The Geek Handbook.
(You can find order information at http://www.thegeekhandbook.com

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From: Dosti Yaari <Dosti_Yaari#NoSpam.yahoogroups.com>

                     Love Letter from a Mathematician
My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric
lane. There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and
spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude
(likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to
my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can
solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you
extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial
functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from
zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life
revolves around your acute personality.

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at
sunset,when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be
like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an
unknown function.

mathematics physics chemistry biology
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Februari 14

                            MATH/PHYSICS VALENTINES

From: Mathew Gustafson <mgustafson#NoSpam.mail.techplus.com>
Remember those cheesy valentines you used to get when you were in
elementary school?  Well I give something similar to my Math Physics
students on Valentines day.  I tried it last year with good success and I
was hoping that I could get some more ideas for cards.  So it was
recommended that I tap some of the greatest minds around, which is why I'm
here. I'm not sure if anyone can help me, but if you have any more ideas or
suggestions I would be greatly appreciative.  Thanks in advance.


The following is a list I have come up with already:
* You're one of the fundamental forces in my life.  Be my Valentine.
* You're the net force that makes my heart accelerate.  Be my Valentine.
* There's an attraction between us, I think its gravity.  Be my Valentine.
* You're so great they should name a constant after you.  Be my Valentine.
* We're like opposite charges.  Be my Valentine.
* The lines of force point me towards you.  Be my Valentine.
* Like resonance tubes, we're in harmony together.  Be my Valentine.
* We add up to a good team.  Be my Valentine.
* You're a positive exponent in my life.  Be my Valentine.
* If they plotted you and I on a scatter-plot, they would find a positive
  correlation.  Be my Valentine.
* You're a positive exponent in my life.    Be my Valentine.
* You're the only variable for me.  Be my Valentine.
* Like functions, you're the only value for me.  Be my Valentine.

From: "J Walradt" <jwalradt#NoSpam.rmci.net>
* Looking for an affractionate girl. Be my Valentine.
* Met you at the decimall. Be my Valentine.

From: "Marcel LeBlanc" <marleb#NoSpam.NO_spam_montrealnet.net>
* Talking about you, I told my best friend "I would never lever!" .Be my
* I don't care if your breasts pendulum, be my Valentine < not for young
  students ;-) >
* Do you also feel the attraction? Be my Valentine
* Do you see the gravity of this situation? You have to be my Valentine
* When I first saw you I felt the Big Bang ! Be my Valentine
* Ion the other hand, would love for you to be my Valentine
* The only predicate: be my Valentine
* At absolute zero you would still move me. Be my Valentine
* Be my Valentine, even if it's only Faraday
* My theorem is : you'd be great as my Valentine
* I'm attracted, don't repel me. Be my Valentine
* We'd make a nice tuple on Valentine, be mine
* I want our relationship to be Ex-Static, be my Valentine
* Don't be square, be my Valentine
* Love hertz, be my Valentine
* Wave if you accept to be my Valentine
* The frequency of our dating would amplify if you are my Valentine

From: "James D. Davis" <jimd#NoSpam.dakota.gate.net>
* Oh, you could try the nerdy approach...
    My love for you is incalculable.
* Or you could try Tweety Bird talk... 
    I'm equate-y for you!
* Or you could get a bit racy...
    Algebras in the world can't measure up to your curvilinear
    structure. Beta Valentine of my life.

From: mark#NoSpam.walshnet.com (Mark Samwick)
* I've finally worked up the courage to ask ... be a joule and Be My
* Would you be inclined to Be My Valentine?
* It would matter to me if you'd agree to Be My Valentine.
* End the chaos in my life.  Be My Valentine.
* I feel an impulse to ask you to Be My Valentine.
* I've finally overcome the inertia of shyness to ask you to Be My
* I love your body with naked singularity.  Be My Valentine.
* I hope that my boldness in asking you to Be My Valentine won't cause
  friction in our relationship!
* I think of you with more and more frequency.  Be My Valentine.
* I can't resist asking you to Be My Valentine.
* You generate excitement in my life.  Be My Valentine.
* I hope that from the smile on my face, you can extrapolate that I want
  you to Be My Valentine.
* If you'll agree to Be My Valentine from across the room, please
  signify by giving me a standing wave.
* If I ask you to Be My Valentine on February 15th, will you overlook
  that relative deviation?
* I think our relationship has potential.  Be My Valentine.
* My heart is sad.  You can rectify that by agreeing to Be My Valentine.
* My affection for you will never decay.  Be My Valentine.
* Are you going to Be My Valentine, or watt?
* Every second I think of you riding that Schwinn, and it hertz.  Be My

From: "TM" <cpchand#NoSpam.giasdl01.diespammers.vsnl.net.in>
* Be my valen[cy]-tine.
* Be my valentine and I square I'll be yours.

From: Mav <grossm#NoSpam.usd475.k12.ks.us>
* You're the root of my affection.  I really mean it!
* In case you didn't hear, I'll theta gain... Be mine!
* Give me a sine... Will you be my Valentine?
* My heart and my foot-pounds when you are around.
* We could be dynamic together!
* I'll give you a moment to decide if you'll be mine.
* I need to ask yaw... will you be mine?
From: banalboy#NoSpam.aol.com (Banal Boy)
* If you're looking for synthesis your opportunity, Be my Valentine.
* I can't wait to explore your fuzzy boundaries. Be my Valentine.

From: rg#NoSpam.netbistro.com (Megan Waves)
* It was a magnetic moment when we met. Be my valentine.
* You're the Great Attractor. Be my valentine.

From: pml <lavietes#NoSpam.dhc.net>
Roses reflect a light frequency at one end of the visible
electromagnetic spectrum,

Violets reflect a light frequency at the other end of the visible
electromagnetic spectrum,

Sugar is C12H22O11,

And you release the endorphins in my brain.

From: laurence#NoSpam.godfreynet.net (Laurence Godfrey)

* I would like to make you an eigenfunction of my Hamiltonian.

* May I Lorentz boost into your centre of mass?

* I expect your wave function to be degenerate under this operator.

From: "codeZ" <deevv#NoSpam.hotmail.com>

I am a positron spiralling in your electric field.

Let my electron tunnel trough your barrier acquering negative energy defying
space-time quantization.

There is a force (F = r + 1/(r^4), r=distance) between us that gets larger
with distance.,,,

From: Mikael Johansson <mik#NoSpam.wineasy.se>
σ(me)/me = σ(you)/you -- Be my Valentine!
The sum of my divisors equals the sum of yours -- Be my Valentine!
You = K_f(Me) -- Be my Valentine! (K_f is the Love transform)
We differ by multiplication of a unit -- Be my Valentine!
My module is faithful -- Be my Valentine!
We are connected by a natural homomorphism -- Be my Valentine!
You are a purely inseparable extension of me -- Be my Valentine!
My love for you is an invariant under the transformations of others -- Be
my Valentine!
You are a primitive element of my life -- Be my Valentine!
You are the sum of your divisors -- Be my Valentine!
Every polynomial is separable over you -- Be my Valentine!
All our loops are contractible to a point -- Be my Valentine!

From: "Sarah K." <hiphopgirl#NoSpam.columbus.rr.com>
My atoms are attracted to your electrons. 

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From: Aliquotes v.iii (journal) (rogerb#NoSpam.microsoft.com)
                                 LINE DANCING

As Valentines has just past, we thought that many of you would be totally
depressed by another year in front of a bar without a mate and offer this
little tidbit as a ray of hope in the darkness of your despair.  Below, we
have listed a series of opening lines for the question of what you do for a
living, should the need ever come up over drinks with a stranger.  We've
listed the Good with the Bad and please note which is which.

1) "I am a doctor at a nearby hospital."
  This is a great one as it doesn't distinguish between an MD and a PhD.
  Hopefully, the other party won't realize the difference until they've
  already been captivated by your innate wit and charm.

2) "I do research into human diseases."
  This one is pretty good as it implies an MD without directly saying so.
  If possible, try to specify the disorder or disease using catch phrases
  like cancer of heart disease but try to avoid disorders which are less
  appetising for the bar setting, while just as noble, such as colitis or
  anything sexually transmissable.

3) "I do research at the university."
  Not as good as the others but not too bad.  Implies a level of
  intelligence which may or may not be the case, as well as giving the
  possibility of being a professor.

1) "I work at the university/hospital."
  Not terrible but leaves interpretation too open in that you may clean
  mildew off the walls and porcelain fixtures.  While this may be true, we
  want to save hobbies until later in the conversation.

2) "I'm a biochemist."
  This one is usually greeted with a blank stare, a moment of silence and
  the response "Oh... how interesting."  Typically, the other party will
  then decide to refresh their drink without offering to represh yours.
  Biochemistry is just to vague for them.  You would have been better off
  saying Pharmacist.

3) "I'm a scientist."
  What, are you crazy?!?  You never use this one as it causes instant
  panic.  The only time this should be used when you aren't interested in
  your companion and want to scare them off with the idea that you're a
  pocket-protectored, bridge-taped glasses, whiny, nasal-voiced nerd (which
  you may be for all I know).

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From: JMFS19A#NoSpam.prodigy.com (Nancy Carson)
(From the Internet)

Verily, I say unto you, marry not an engineer for the engineer is a strange
being possessed of many devils; yea, he speaketh eternally in parables,
which he calleth "formulas", and he wieldeth a big stick which he calleth a
slide rule, and he hath but one Bible...a handbook.

He talketh always of stresses and strains, and without end of
Thermodynamics.  He showeth always a serious aspect and seemeth not to know
how to smile; and he picketh his seat in the car by the springs therein and
not by the damsel beside him; neither does he know a waterfall except for
its power, nor the sunset except for her specific heat.

Always he carieth his books with him, and he entertaineth his maiden with
steam tables. Verily though his damsel expecteth chocolates, when he
calleth he openeth the packages to disclose samples of iron.

Yea, he holdeth his damsel's hand, but only to measure the friction, and
kisses but to test viscosity.  For in his eyes shineth a faraway look which
is neither love nor longing, but a vain attempt to recall a formula.

There is but one key dear to his heart, and that is the Tau Beta Pi key;
and one love letter for which he yearneth, and that an "A"; and when to his
damsel he writeth of love and signeth with crosses, mistake not these
symbols for kisses but rather for unknown quantities.

Even as a young boy he pulleth a girl's hair to test its elasticity, but as
a man he discovers different devices; for he would count the vibrations of
her heart strings and reckon her strength of materials; for he seeketh ever
to pursue the scientific investivations, and inscribeth his passion in a
formula; and his marriage is a simultaneous equation involving unknowns and
yielding diverse answers.

mathematics physics chemistry engineering computer science
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From: jelee#NoSpam.sas.upenn.edu (Jang Eun Lee)
The Ultimate List of Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks

1.  I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.

2.  You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.

3.  Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time
approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

4.  My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always

5.  Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

6.  Wanna come back to my room?  ...and see my 166Mhz Pentium?

7.  How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?

8.  You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.

9.  You're sweeter than glucose.

10.  We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.

11.  Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you
and me?

12.  Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?

13.  Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.

14. Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl#NoSpam.mydreams.com

15.  You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

From: "G.P. Niers" <G.P.Niers#NoSpam.umail.leidenuniv.nl>
The managers of our fraternity won
last year's pickupline-contest with:
Want to see my linear particle accelerator?

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From: "David Lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>

How do you know when someone is a computer scientist?

She recites as she plucks the flower petals: "He loves me, XOR, he loves me

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From: "David Lowenstein" <animepc#NoSpam.ix.netcom.com>

Computer science term...strange computers don't experiment!

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From: Chris Morton (mortoncp#NoSpam.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu)
do it collection

Special Category: Scientists do it...

Scientists do it experimentally.
Scientists do it with plenty of research.
Scientists discovered it.
Graduates do it by degrees.
Professors do it by the book.
Professors do it with class.
Professors forget to do it.
Research professors do it only if they get grants.
Researchers are still looking for it.
Researchers do it with control.

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From: nelsonbe#NoSpam.ucsu.Colorado.EDU (NELSON BRIAN EDWARD)

Special Category: Top Reasons

10.  Why not?
 9.  They are user friendly
 8.  No need to call a handy man
 7.  Learn how to use the other buttons on your calculator
 6.  Homework help without the guilt
 5.  They will make lots of money
 4.  Not all of them wear dark blue jeans
 3.  They know how to push the right buttons
 2.  They understand heat-transfer
 1.  They are used to pulling all nighters

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From: "Salt" <Salt#NoSpam.Pepper.Com>
Special Category: Top Reasons

10.- The world does revolve around us... we choose the coordinate system
 9.- No "couple" enjoy a better "moment"
 8.- We know how to handle stress
and strain in a relationship
 7.- We have significant figures
 6.- EK301: The motion of rigid bodies
 5.- Projectile motion: Do we need to say more?
 4.- Engineers do it to specification
 3.- According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal
      and opposite
 2.- We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you
     apply the force

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                  **Top Ten Reasons to Date a Scientist**
Special Category: Top Reasons
10. They can show you what all the buttons on the calculator do.
 9.  They can tell you exactly how much to tip in a restaruant.
 8.  No matter how ugly your attire is they'll still think it's "hip".
 7.  They can perform a concerto in C++ on their keyboard for you. (P.
 6.  They know all about heat, friction, and gravitational attraction.
 5.  They can kill all the "bugs" for you.
 4.  They can tell you everything that is scientifically wrong about the
     Star Wars Movies.
 3.  You are 100 times more interesting than their last conversation with
    Bertha/Gilbert, their computer.
 2.  Two words: they're desperate. (J. Lin)
 1.  They know how to turn on your hard drive.

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Special Category: Top Reasons
From: Monika Kostera <niq_mk#NoSpam.o2.pl>

10. Some of them are qualitative rather than quantitative.
9. They no longer believe in deep structures.
8. They do it with people.
7. Some believe in blending incommensurables while keeping them apart.
6. They believe in charisma.
5. They now how to create difference out of repetition.
4. Many are rather constructive.
3. They can talk about rhizomes and desire.
2. They relish the body of thought.
1.  They love to get empirical with you.

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From: "Cerberus - The Dog Of Hell" <cerberus#NoSpam.mystacy.fsnet.co.uk>

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out
some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the
male dormitory to the female students.  Anybody caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be
fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are
there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season

mathematics physics
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From: "John Bruder" <jbruder#NoSpam.chartwell-group.com>

1. What's the worst part about dating a female mathematician?
- They always have something to prove.
2. What's the best part about dating a female physicist?
- They always give you a hadron

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